So, I just watched the Ricki Lake Show for the first time since she’s been back on air this season. I had heard rumblings on the media circuit that Ms. Lake was looking to do a show on infertility. Today, I saw on Facebook that her infertility episode was airing across the nation. I hoped as hard as I could that she would do it justice.
When I hopped on over to the official Ricki Lake Facebook thread promo-ing the show, that hope quickly faded. (Fair warning: prepare to be infuriated when you click over to that link.)
I watched the show at 4pm today and I’m glad I did. First, let’s start with the positives: she did a show on infertility, so we’ve gotta give her credit for that much. Hooray for awareness-raising!
…And that’s where the credit stops.
Here’s the episode promo:
Even on the show’s website, they tease the episode thusly: “Ricki explores infertility to expose the extremes that couples go through to conceive.” And explore the extremes she did.
Let me break down the entire show for you so you don’t have smash your face against your palm over and over like I did for 60 minutes.
Ricki Lake Show “Fertility Crisis” Episode Recap
1. Say hello to Jenelle, a 30-something woman married for 12 years who’s tried many, many, many times to get pregnant. She lost her job AND her house because they’ve spent over $70,000 on treatments and she’s missed so much time from work. Yanno, a very typical, everyday story of the 7.3 million people facing infertility in this country. Also, she is overweight. This is an important detail for point #4.
2. Say hello to two other ladies, who don’t get couch time with Ricki but share front-row honors instead. One of them, a redhead, has unexplained infertility. The other woman, a pretty young blonde woman, has PCOS. And she explains, in ALL her medical wisdom, that PCOS causes infertility because when cysts rupture, “they destroy your ovaries and that’s why you can’t get pregnant.” *facepalm*
3. Welcome Dr. Potter from HRC Fertility, who quickly explains that PCOS is ACTUALLY an endocrine disorder that affects insulin resistance, impacting a woman’s ability to ovulate and THAT’S why you don’t get pregnant. Thanks, Dr. Potter! *sigh of relief*
4. And now Dr. Potter is giving Jenelle a free cycle of IVF from HRC Fertility! Ummmm – awkward. What about the two other women sitting right next to you who were also brought on to share their infertility stories? The redhead chick looks kind of pissed. Add to the fun: commenters in the Ricki Show Facebook thread have been fat-shaming Jenelle AND saying she doesn’t deserve the cycle because she’s broke, and fat broke ladies who can’t take care of themselves or their finances don’t deserve to have kids. Classy.
5. Welcome Rosie Pope of Pregnant in Heels! I’ve never watched the show but she’s got a quirky accent. South African maybe? I don’t know. She’s talking about dealing with an ectopic pregnancy and hocking her new book, Mommy IQ.
6. Meet Sara Connell, author of Bringing In Finn! Her 60-year old mom was the surrogate for her grandson. Today I learned that apparently while ovaries age, uteruses don’t. Neat. I won’t lie, this segment was kind of cool. And I really dug her the color of her top. I’m really into royal cerulean blue right now.
7. Meet the world’s creepiest dad, Trent Arsenault, a man who calls himself – wait for it, wait for it – a DONORSEXUAL. He’s fathered 17 kids (soon to be 25) and he’s never had sex! The FDA has ordered a cease and desist for his fresh donor sperm activities. Dr. Potter is concerned about Trent’s lack of proper FDA procedures for giving away his sperm for free through the internet and literally does this in a room of his house. I’m more concerned he couldn’t wash the dirty dishes in his sink for his b-roll exposition footage. Gross.
8. This is going to sound horribly, horribly racist, but, well – it looked horribly, horribly racist on the show. Saints alive, they brought in a REAL Chinaman* to talk about Traditional Chinese Medicine and acupuncture! Meet Dr. Mao, the “God of Fertility,” dressed in a brown mandarin collar tunic and heavily accented but still intelligible for TV. As an Asian woman, even I had to step back and be like, “…the fuck, Ricki? The fuck is this?”
*And even though I’m Asian, the use of this word is never okay and yet, it’s the first thing that popped into my head when Dr. Mao came on screen looking like he just finished laying down ties for the Transcontinental Railroad. We get it. He’s Chinese. I also get exactly how producers of this show needed to make TCM and acupuncture look “legit” for the camera. Thanks for bowing to the lowest racial denominator to make your point.
9. Meet a couple from Australia! With 3 boys! And they want a girl! So Ricki introduces the concept of gender/sex selection and “designer babies.” Because nothing says “this depicts the pain and heartache of infertility” like parents – without fertility issues – who want to pick and choose the gender of their babies. Fair and balanced, indeed!
10. Time to bring it on home with comments from the audience. Some lady talks about how she froze her eggs at age 37 to bank for the future. Single at the time and now partnered, she decided to try FET with her frozen eggs. Except, bummer, all 18 of her frozen eggs got destroyed in transit to her clinic because they were packed wrong. Ricki clucks along and shakes her head in sympathy at this “cautionary tale.” Because if there’s one thing infertility patients and the people who love them need, it’s more cautionary tales.
11. A woman asks the panel of experts on stage when it’s time to stop trying. Dr. Potter basically says never stop trying. You’ll get there, someday, somehow. None of the other experts add anything to this. It felt like poor editing.
12. A very tearful blonde lady with this adorable ponytail tries to choke out the idea that IVF isn’t just science – it’s a gift, a miracle. Again, I think this was more poor editing because I think this woman had more of a story to share but oops – out of time! So it got cut down to this stunted sentiment instead.
13. And that’s a wrap! There you have it. Roll credits. Tune in tomorrow and all that jazz.
Look, it’s not the worst depiction of infertility I’ve ever seen. But it certainly didn’t help us, either. I felt dirty watching this episode, like somehow, this amazing pregnancy I’ve been blessed with was less the result of science, nature and maybe even G-d, and more the result of some circus freakshow. I really felt like Jenelle and Sara and Rosie and all the patients on the show were all being held in this uncomfortable gaze of the public eye, like, “wow, these women are weird” and less of “wow, infertility is a soul-wrenching experience.”
As excited as I was at first that Ricki Lake was doing a talk show on infertility, I almost wished she hadn’t at all. We’d be better off as a community for it without having to combat this latest deluge of stereotypes and scenarios in the extreme.
Shows like these remind us that we need more projects like Faces of ALI out there, to make infertility more “the neighbor next door” and less “the cover of the National Enquirer.” We need compassion and understanding, not some circus barker poking his cane into our ribcages.
Did you tune in to the Ricki Lake Show on infertility today? What did you think?
I am really inspired with your writing skills and also with the format in your weblog. Is that this a paid subject matter or did you modify it your self? Anyway stay up the excellent quality writing, it’s rare to look a great weblog like this one these days..
wow. just wow. the complete and utter ignorance of people never fails to amaze me.
We just got the devastating news yesterday that our first IVF cycle failed. I could only read so many of those facebook replies otherwise I may start balling again. Seriously as everyone here knows – the WORST is probably those who say “some people just aren’t meant to have babies”…really? So my husband and I who never had kids out of wedlock – both of us have jobs, a house, we support OURSELVES (meaning we do not have the gov’t support us) – we are great, hard-working members of society – because we have a physical limitation (Male factor) keeping us from being parents we’re not meant to have a baby? Yet the crack______ down the street who will live off the gov’t cheese and eventually so will her kid and her kid’s kid? really????????????????????????
sorry I am a little bitter today. lol.
#infertilitysucks
I couldn’t agree with you more!!!!!!!!! I can’t count how many times I’ve heard this….and yet from the same person I have already heard before…you’re going to make an amazing mommy someday! >.< I swear the nerve of some people.
I didn’t watch, and I’m glad I didn’t. But I want to speak to the issue of Trent Arsenault. As a lesbian, and as a lesbian with infertility, one of the awful things about how cruel IF is, is that not only do we have to endure all the same treatments and costs as everyone else, but we also have to pay (if you’re going anonymous) thousands upon thousands for donor sperm. (Yes, I know straight couples also have to use donor sperm sometimes and straight couples have used Trent as well – but I’m speaking just from my point of view). Someone like Trent can be a godsend, especially when free sperm makes the difference between a cycle going forward and not. We had friends donate leftover sperm (that they weren’t successful with) to us and we literally wouldn’t have been able to cycle without it. Yes, Trent does this in his own home – so what? If you don’t need IF treatments you conceive in your own home, what’s the problem with providing sperm from your own home?
Also, calling him the ‘worlds creepiest dad’ perpetuates the concept that donor=father. I really respect how you have treated the show and presented the reasons why it was disrespectful towards the IF community. But a donor is not a dad, and Trent may be unique, but he isn’t creepy. I personally know of a couple that used him and he was respectful, genuine, and truly believes he is helping create families. Regardless of what you think of him and his motives, the biggest issue I take is that you’ve called him out as a “dad”. Lesbians have a hard enough time in the infertility world as it is without having to fight our own community on the definition of what makes a dad. Nobody ever calls an egg donor a mom, why is it so hard not to call sperm donors simply ‘donor.’
Luckily, I didn’t see the show…my personal mini rant is I’m one of those never even though of in the whole infertility discussion….female born with seriously defective lady reproductive parts ,,, nothing like the nicey nice drawing on the OB/.GYN’s exam room wall.. When the guy I was (finally) dating in my late teens mentioned in the nicest way that he was so looking forward to someday holding HIS bio kid in his arms…….well, things went downhill quickly.,
There are a few of us infertiles/barren/childless/whatevers out there who are not part of a couple and no amount of treatments could help…thats all I wanted to say.
Hello out there in the interweb land. I’m completely new to this page and blog. I had to speak up as I am the redhead from the show actually. I just wanted to come on here and actually have the chance to explain my story as yes it was very short lived on the show and as for the “unexplained infertility” that’s 100% true. First off I wasn’t pissed off I was trying not to cry when the camera panned onto me after them giving her 1 round of IVF. Yes I can say honestly I was jealous as I would LOVE for one shot at IVF. (as currently no matter what we cannot afford it) But I was not pissed off. I truly truly truly hope that this round works for her. I thought my story was hard, to have had several failed IVF…I don’t know I could handle it.
As for my story ( I will make it short I promise) I saw a FS in 2010 and he was very unprofessional. He put me off several months in a row (due to vacations) on doing my 1st HSG. Then once we finally got that taken care of we found out that my tubes were “blocked”. I was forced to wait (yet again) for 3 months before he was able to schedule my surgery which took place 2 DAYS before my husband deployed. We froze his sperm so that I could do IUI or IVF while he was deployed…only to find out that the doctor wanted me to take 1500 a month in injections and he wasn’t even sure he wanted to do the IUI or IVF while my husband was deployed. So that was thrown out of the window. Since that appointment I haven’t been able to see a FS. One year ago he returned home and I got my referral for the new FS. HIs wait list was 6 months just for an office visit…fine I’ll wait. My appointment was scheduled for March. We found out in Jan that we had to move to California (ARMY life) and I wouldn’t even be in the same state as the Dr. So Since MARCH I have been trying to get a doctor to sign off on my referral to see a FS. I was diagnosed with cervical cancer 6 years ago, my thyroid is fine, NO signs of PCOS, I’m VERY regular (just painful). Currently they are assuming I might have Endo BUT he won’t write a ref to get lap and dye to diagnose either. I’ve struggled and argued with doctors until I’m blue in the face. I’ve used every at home product under the sun…and STILL have not gotten pregnant in 5 years. Sorry for hijacking your post but since it did pertain to me kinda of…I felt it would be better to FINALLY actually share my story. Thank you so much!
Amazing. I think the “donorsexual” is my favorite.
Thank you for the summary!
Wow that sounds like an awful show- one that I am glad I didn’t catch.
That’s too bad that Ricki went for ratings. I really liked her “Business of Being Born” documentary and had hoped she would do better.
It’s shows and depictions of Infertility like these that often make me feel a little “dirty” for having chosen IVF as a family-building pathway. While I am 100% secure and glad we went down this path to creating and gestating a biological child, it’s hard not to feel the judgement that this was a “lifestyle choice” rather than treatment for a medical problem. Fertility treatments, for most, are not a choice, they are a necessary road to build a family. Sure, choosing to build a family is a choice, as is choosing to build a biological one or one that is gestated BY you, but still. Ultimately it’s a treatment for a disease. Adoption is a solution to the desire to build a family, not a treatment for fertility.
I feel like this show just propagated the assumption that fertility treatments are a selfish choice made by hysterical women, not a treatment for a medical condition.
I didn’t tune in to the Ricki Lake show on infertility and, after reading this, I’m glad I didn’t. I probably would have been yelling at the tv instead of the more restrained facepalm.
Kristin- so much shouting at my TV. So much shouting. I’m so glad I could pause it while I watched.
Ugh, this makes me sick. I really respected Ricki after watching “The Business of Being Born.” Like others have said, I really thought she was all about empowerment and delivering the truth where bringing babies into the world is concerned. Though I recently realized that those who subscribe to the whole “natural home water birth” belief system (I know because I was one of them for a long time), have some serious judgment toward ARTs. They think this whole thing should be a beautiful natural experience and they just don’t get that we can’t all have that. It took me personally a long time to make the jump to ARTs, in part because of this. Now I’ve given up on my “dream” of a natural home water birth. All I want is a happy, healthy baby and I don’t care how it gets here.
At first, I was surprised when I heard that some people w/in the natural birth/parenting movement would be anti-ART, but when you think about it, it’s not surprising. ART, by its very practices, is completely anti-natural, from the procedures to the drugs to the invasiveness of the diagnostics. And BoBB is a good film – not a great one, and hardly balanced. I do respect and am grateful that it exists to start the conversation, but I don’t think it should be what defines this conversation, either. Let’s bring back fair and balanced to the table, no?
I didn’t see the show, but I alternated between wanting to laugh (at the fabulous writing) & cry (over the idiocy of daytime talk shows & public perceptions of infertility, which they feed) as I read this. I don’t know what the solution is. I keep hoping that if enough of us keep talking & writing about our experiences, eventually the message will start to spread & sink in. But there are some pretty thick skulls out there :p and I honestly believe people will not truly “get” this unless they have to go through it themselves (and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy).
That doesn’t excuse people for being rude & cruel & judgmental, though… I can forgive people who don’t know the facts, but I find it a lot harder to forgive unkindness & lack of empathy & respect for others and their situations.
It really does feel like Sisyphus sometimes, pushing this boulder up this endless hill? But we keep doing it because we hope that one day, just one day – we’ll reach the summit.
Shared on Facebook. Thanks for writing such good follow up to this infuriating episode.
Thanks for sharing! Raising awareness of that which does us harm is equally important.
I have to say, I think you are being a complete jerk, even if you do feel bad about it now. Upstaged by your hbsaund because he fainted? Really? Like he has control over what his body does when he see blood everywhere. Get over yourself. I am glad you saw the light.
I think the part that shocked me the most about this was that anyone would think that selective gender choice in a very fertile couple belonged anywhere near a show with infertility in the title. I despair.
So, what I didn’t write in my post was that the Aussie couple was also working with Dr. Potter. So, while it didn’t relate to the topic of infertility in and of itself, it lined up perfectly with their expert guess. You’re right – that segment had no business being on the show.
Hi, I”m visiting from ICLW. I’m sure glad I gave that show a miss!! I look forward to checking back in on your blog. Nice to meet you!
Amy
ICLW#52
Hi Amy & welcome! Thanks for stopping by 🙂
Saw Jjiraffe’s post about this and linked over for the recap. Keiko, my head hurts. I get that infertility is taboo, but press like this isn’t helping. I guarantee that that a show like this about any other disease (Cancer, Alzheimer’s, Diabetes) would have caused a global. Sadly, because it’s still assumed that infertility and loss are caused by life decisions or G_d, it’s completely okay.
I hope from this nightmare of an attempt at raising awareness comes the opportunity to actually do so. And thank you for giving an honest review.
You bring up such a good point. You would never see a show like this for any other disease. Could you imagine Oprah bringing on a little Chairman Mao to talk about power smoothies for cancer patients? Ridic.
THE FUCK, RICKI. THE FUCK.
YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A CHAMPION OF BIRTH AND EMPOWERMENT.
WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO US?!
FUCK YOU, RICKI LAKE.
(I’m sorry. That is all I can process and express right now. Something more eloquent will come out of me later, I’m sure. Ugh.)
Oooh I can’t wait to see what you write. I hope you do!
Ugh. You keep expecting better, thoughtful treatment if the topic but alas, played ignorantly and for drama every time 🙁 I do like Rosie Pope. She gets infertility and is a good advocate. Despite having my son via surrogacy, I am skeeved a bit by the mother carrying her grandson. Not that I think it wrong per se but because I can’t imagine my mother and I walking that path.
Lol, I’m pretty sure my mom would shit a brick if I asked her to carry our child. She’s be like, “Sure, I’ll carry your child, but then you’d have to hold them once they got fussy.”
Wow. What a bunch of crap. Keiko, thanks for trying and trying get that FB thread on the right track! I knew I should have listened and not clicked. 🙂
And good to know that my abdominal pain is caused by my ovaries exploding from PCOS. Maybe I should have told my doctor that one and she wouldn’t have continued to insist that I keep trying to get pregnant.
I mean, to be fair – an exploding cyst is what took away my left ovary. But let’s stick to facts here. PCOS is an endocrine disorder, not an explody ovarian disorder – although that sometimes happens.
I meant that perhaps saying something sensational like that would have gotten my doctor’s attention. She didn’t get the point after I told her three times that we’re done trying, wouldn’t listen to my real complaints.
I know that happened to you, I’m sorry.
Sweet lord, that sounds like a horrific show. Ricki certainly hasn’t changed. She’s on one documentary where she gives birth to her kid on camera, all granola, whoo-haa and all and all of a sudden thinks she’ll make a good advocate for this? Please. If she had half a brain, she would have skipped the sperm donor and had you on the show! BUT WAIT!! NO! You are Katie-class, not Ricki-class.
😀 Right? No pressure on the Katie Show or anything. And apparently, as someone has mentioned down-thread, some think there’s an anti-ART sentiment in the all-natural birthing/parenting community. Go fig.
Your pregnancy isn’t the result of a freaky circus sideshow…or if it is all of ours are 🙂
They didn’t have anyone on the program talking about the danger of multiples and pre maturity and all that jazz? I’m shocked! 😉
Pssht. Octomom is SOOOO 2009 😉
“How far would you go to have a baby?”” … well, it’s none of your business, Ricki.
Seriously, I feel violated..
Thanks for writing this post! ICLW #51
If you’ve seen her documentary, “The Business of Being Born,” you’d understand her issues about boundaries 😛 Thanks for stopping by for ICLW! Welcome 🙂
I’m so glad that JJiraffe is doing her Faces of ALI series to avoid the need to appeal to the lowest common denominator.
Thanks for this recap. And the resulting discussion.
I too, am grateful for Jessica’s Faces of ALI project. It’s a compelling narrative that deserves so much more attention!
Thank you for saving us that 60 excritiating minutes! Sorry you had to see it – you’ll never get that time back. All I saw was the trailer and I’m already disappointed.
It’s all good. I was super-distracted all day today and it’s gotten me focused again on the work I need to be doing tonight 😉
Hi Keiko,
Thank you for tuning in to After Ricki and for sharing your thoughts. I invite you to write a guest post for TheRickiLakeShow.com and share your thoughts. The show was meant to create conversation and that it did. But I think it’s equally important for viewers like you to share your feedback — good or bad.
Best,
Jackie
Jackie, thank you so much for the offer. I have your email address via your comment and will follow up with you and your team directly off-blog. I do appreciate the great post-show discussion at the After Ricki Ustream – I gotta say, as a social media professional – very innovative stuff as far as keeping the dialogue going after the show airs.
Thank you for the synopsis, I think I would be hitting my head as well.
An ICLW Visit from #2
liddy @ the unfair struggle (mfi, speedskating, life)
Thanks for stopping by for ICLW! Welcome 🙂
I’m glad I missed it based on your recap. This is just the thing IFers need…more ridiculousness and little truthfulness. Seriously, that woman was diagnosed with PCOS? Who the hell is her doctor and what kind of information is he/she providing for her? WOW, just wow….I didn’t check out the FB page or comments because I’m pretty sure it would aggravate me more than your description of the show.
I wish there was a way to get the truth out there in a more public fashion…or at least a more realistic version of what IF is really like for those who are struggling with it.
That’s what I’m trying to get at with the work here: realism in infertility. I also wish they didn’t focus on PCOS they way they did; it came across as the singular diagnosis of the show, when, you and I both know diagnoses run the gamut when it comes to IF.
I just love reading your posts. Even when it’s face palm stuff, you’re so funny and entertaining. Big sigh…. Well, at least I can go to bed tonight knowing that I’m a confirmed freak show. Oh yea, age of uterus…I did know that. Pretty strange, huh? Our first GC was 41, but her age didn’t matter. My mom would totally do it, but, um…she kinda doesn’t have a uterus any more.
Nice post!
Aw, thanks Whitney! Sometimes it’s impossible for me to tone down my inner smartass. I get it from both my parents 😉 I’m pretty sure having either my mom or my MIL be our GCs would be a trainwreck. I love them dearly but yeah – not gonna happen 😛
This is disappointing because I had just read that she was doing an adoption show and a blogger I follow is going to be featured on it and was excited about the way they were handling it. This gives me no hope that they could possibly do any better with adoption than they did with IF. Boo :/
Do you know when that show is going to air? I know many of us in the community would like to see how that plays out. Also – which blogger? Just curious 🙂 And you never know – it may not be the same producers/staff working on the adoption episode. I’ve learned from the Katie Show that there are MANY MANY people who make the magic happen behind the scenes. So don’t lose hope yet until it airs 🙂
Oops, I guess it already aired. I never saw anyone post about it though. The blogger was Kristin Howerton – http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2012/10/the-ricki-lake-show-covers-adoption.html
I didn’t get to watch it, but now I’m realllllly glad. That PCOS comment might have sent me into a tazmanian devil rage. But the sad truth about it is… even a lot of women who HAVE PCOS don’t know what it is or what it does, because without some prior knowledge of the endocrine system or some research once diagnosed, it’s really kind of difficult for doctors to explain. I was the researching type, but I will say it wasn’t easy. We need more infographics or something.
It’s amazing (and sad) how underdiagnosed PCOS is. And that guest’s comment was just maddening – I actually paused the show and had a freakout moment describing what she just said to my husband. I was like, “I really hope that doctor clears up her statements!” and thank G-d he did or I would have flipped a shit.
Have you seen the Voices of PCOS series I’ve hosted here? http://theinfertilityvoice.com/be-informed/voices-of-pcos-series/ Check it out & let me know if you’d be interested in joining in for next September!
I’m so glad I missed this- and thanks for the re-cap, I will be SURE not to check it out. I have been in sort-of communication with Ricki for some time, and I didn’t know about this episode… good thing. Sounds like I’d have been far too infuriated if I”d actually had some input. Phew. I think I’d have been WAAY too raw and in-your-face anyway- certainly not TV worthy- as Kimberli so eloquently put it, TV producers are evil and cater to the lowest common denominator. Ew. Kudos for sure, to Ricki for at least trying. No doubt the producers have infinitely more say as to how the show goes down than she actually does. Her movie The Business of Being Born really is a good look at the crisis of birth in this country, and is actually one of things responsible for inspiring me to become a Doula. Perhaps, Keiko, now is the time for you to step up and counter with an equally (or more so) realistic film about infertility to bring to light the REAL FACE of the infertility crisis? Just a thought.
Maggie, if I had the time, funds and manpower, I totally would.
Maybe we should investigate the option? Later, of course…. 😉
Also, I finally watched BoBB with my husband this week, actually. Eye-opening for sure. A little one-sided in her argument but I respect where she’s coming from and I’m glad it pointed you in the direction of your life’s calling and work 🙂
The mentality of the show, as well as the people commenting on the show’s page, is everything that’s wrong with how people view infertility. Just relax. Just adopt. You don’t deserve to be parents. Lose weight, Use your hips more. Take a vacation. If you adopt you’ll get pregnant.
This show didn’t help us at all, it pushed the stereotypes further. Even now I have people who have said to me “See! I knew you’d get pregnant as soon as you adopted!”
…. “Yeah, pretty sure that’s what did it… that and the $30,000 we spent on fertility treatments…..”
I wish we lived in a world where people would understand that Infertility isn’t something you brought on yourself, it’s nothing to be ashamed of and it says NOTHING about who should or shouldn’t be parents. I think insurance companies would be more prone to being forced to cover treatments if we weren’t viewed as a taboo.
My name is Ashley. My ovaries don’t work and I’m an expert at miscarrying.
And I am a kick-ass person AND parent.
You ARE kickass, Ashley, no doubt about that! The comments on the Facebook page… oy, I wish I could drink b/c a glass of scotch would have made reading through and responding to them a lot easier. And this show played right into the culture that perpetuates those types of comments.
As a Licensed Acupuncturist, who has specialized in Women’s Health and Infertility since 2000 & who is not Asian, I am amazed at how many people are somewhat surprised to see that I am not Chinese. Funny how the fact that I did a post graduate study in China, albeit for only 3 months, does usually ad to my credo/ non asian status. One of the most important qualifications in finding an Acupuncturist/ TCM practitioner, is clear communication between all the parties envolved,. It sounds like the only good thing that came out of this segment is the awareness that infertility affects women of all sizes, age, race and financial background. Some awareness is better than non, just to get the conversation started helps…as women we need to support eachother in all of our endeavors to start a family, and not judge those who must use alternative means.
Mimi, I am a huge fan of acupuncture. I get funny about using herbs, but I’m a acu-fan for life. My acupuncturist, Matt, is an adorable white guy who’s studied in China as you have. Part of the reason I love him and his practice is just how open a dialogue we have – it’s wonderful. I wish there were more media attention out there on the benefits of TCM and acupuncture for overall health and wellness, not just infertility. I was bummed that the Ricki Show chose the MOST stereotypical way to present these forms of complementary therapy to its audience. But you’re right – sometimes ANY press is good press.
Oh Keiko, as I read your post on this show I can only say I am not surprised, television and producers are quite evil, and love to cater to bottom feeders….too harsh? Yes, there is quality programing out there. And I am so excited to have you representing our community on the Katie Show! I know you will do our community proud and represent millions of women and families that are knowledgeable about their various conditions.
One of the biggest struggles of infertility I think is suffering alone, and dealing with the bullshit that is out there about infertility. All of our journeys are different. I have always wanted to share my story in a huge way, by writing a blog, or a book, or speaking out and I can never seem to commit to something…. The pain I have felt since the day I was told I would never have children of my own (at the ripe age of 16) is something that is a daily and sometimes even minute to minute struggle (you understand 🙂 ) No face of infertility is the same and I hate television programs like this that make infertility almost comical.
Maybe someday I’ll gather the strength and courage to explain what infertility can do to someone’s identity, and just how misrepresented our community really is. But for now, thank you from the bottom of my heart for doing the do diligence of educating the world, and spreading the truth.
I wouldn’t say TV show producers are evil… As someone w/Communications and Media background, I get it. “If it bleeds, it leads” as they say. I think the Ricki Show kept it simple and appealed to the lowest common denominator – they stuck with the sensational aspects b/c it’s better for ratings and more approachable than going after the “mundane” stories that you and I experience.
Share your story! Write your book! It’s not about having ONE voice, it’s about hearing the collective and varied voices in this community. And I think more voices for the POF/POI community is SO important, especially given your experience. I was “lucky” in that I found out at 26 – I can’t imagine what a POF Dx would be like at 16.
There are other artists out there bringing infertility into their artwork – have you connected with Monica Weisblott? You should.
I missed it because I couldn’t get home in time. Thanks for the recap.; I felt like I was there. I’m sure I got more out of this than I would have had I actually watched it for myself.
I was not a daytime talk show watcher until very, very recently. I DVR them and watch them later.