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A(nother) Sad Realization

Jul. 8, 2009 by Keiko Zoll

I live at the college campus where I work. My commute consists of exiting my building, walking through the Arts building, and then entering the building where I work. This morning, as I have for the last couple of weeks, I’ve waded through a herd of 7-10 year old summer music theatre campers.

The thought process started like this: At what point do you start sending your kids to camp for the summer? Wouldn’t you just want to keep them home all summer? Oh right, not if you’re working 9-5 like most folks. I wonder at what age you start cultivating hobbies for children? How do you do that? Do you just say, “Hey Johnny, want to learn to play the piano?” What about voice lessons? Voice is an easily manageable hobby and requires no instrument purchase, just the cost of lessons.

And besides, any child we have will have an amazing voice like I –

Well, actually, they probably won’t. The voice that I got from my grandmother is not something that will most likely get passed on, since DE seems to be our best chances for children.

Add this to the list of things that won’t get passed on: my unusually soft skin, my smile, my eyes… Similarly, at least they won’t get thyroid problems, fertility issues, predisposition for heart disease and diabetes, my awful myopia. And I know that it’s not about what kids look like, or sound like, but how they grow and develop and are nurtured.

Still, that hit me like a ton of bricks on my walk in to work this morning.

Edited to add: showed this post to Larry. His reply? “Sorry, honey. Look at it this way, at least they can probably still get MY predisposition for heart disease, diabetes, and bad eyes.” And this is why I love my husband 🙂

Healing, Keiko's Infertility Journey

Comments

  1. FET Accompli says

    Jul. 8, 2009 at 10:56 PM

    What an awesome husband you have. I know it isn't easy – I also know that you will adore your children to bits whether or not you are genetically related.

  2. Purplestate says

    Jul. 8, 2009 at 9:57 PM

    Damn, thats exactly what I would have said too! Well played Ari!

  3. jodie38 says

    Jul. 8, 2009 at 10:44 AM

    Hi Hannah! Thanks for commenting earlier! I completely identify with the DE epiphanies dropping on your head like bird doo out of nowhere. It sucks, and it hurts. It's just the process of trying to get your brain around the situation. I still have those thoughts occasionally. But it doesn't hit me like a ton of bricks anymore, just kind of like a "hmm."

    And Ari's comment was perfect – quite a smart man you have!

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