For the record: hypothyroidism BLOWS. A ranty thyroid post ahead.
And of course, my half-Japanese* self gets the fancy Hashimoto’s variation, where my body slowly eats away at my thyroid, leaving an endocrinological nightmare in its wake.
*Being half-Japanese has nothing to do with whether or not one gets Hashimoto’s – I just think it’s ironically clever given my ethnicity.
Let’s take a look at my updated Thyroid Rollercoaster™, shall we?
That nice little valley that touches the zero line all the way to the right? Yeah, that would be my TSH value from November 8th: a whopping 0.09. Technically, I was so hyperthyroid that I had Grave’s disease (Hashimoto’s polar opposite). It would also explain why I’ve probably lost as much weight as I have instead of gaining yet in this pregnancy.
And that super high peak just before the chart ends? That was my TSH two days ago. Wait for it, wait for it: 7.51. That’s officially the highest TSH I’ve ever had since I’ve been keeping track of it in early 2009. So, in a span of just 33 days, I managed to go from barely detectable TSH levels (meaning super hyperthyroid) to TSH levels that are through the roof (meaning super hypothyroid).
(And yes, I know 7.51 is actually super low compared to other folks with Hashi’s but still… it’s the extreme high end of my own personal set of values.)
All those little peaks and valleys that are getting closer and closer together? Those have been the last 4 months of my life. Pregnancy and the addition of extra hormones like Crinone, Prometrium and estradiol pills and estrogen patches? Yeah. Tends to throw everything off on top of it all. My TSH was golden in early September, before our cycle: a comfortable 0.50. Symptomatically, I felt great. Everything was on its A game.
And every month since then, it’s been a TSH crapshoot.
And as such, I feel like poo. That’s putting it mildly, actually. It’s either I can’t get out of bed or I can’t fall asleep. My bowels have achieved every stage of regularity – or complete lack thereof (again, pregnancy isn’t exactly helping in this department). My appetite continues to wax and wane from periods of ravenous hunger to a complete disinterest in food. (Thankfully, the nausea is finally at bay.) My hair, which has grown like weeds, has begun shedding heavily again. Nothing like brushing your hair and seeing a handful of it still stuck to your brush. There’s the hormonally-driven crying jags (seriously, anything will set me off) but sometimes it’s hard to tell when it’s The Knish and when it’s the soul-crushing endocrinological depression that thrives off skyrocketing TSH values. Which, once that realization sinks in, causes – you guessed it – more crying jags.
Oh, and seasonal affective disorder. Let’s just throw that into the mix while we’re at it.
Some small relief: no more Prometrium, estradiol pills or patches as of two days ago. It’s the first time both ass cheeks will get to breathe fresh air for the first time in four months. And I get to stop the Crinone on Monday. Too bad douching is out of the question because if I could shoot a firehose up there and purge out the leftover goop for good, I would.
So… there you have it. I am (once again) at the mercy of my thyroid. I am (once again) posting after a long stretch of radio silence bitching about said thyroid. I am (once again) woefully unproductive due to said thyroid and have a huge pile of things I need to do, both here and outside of this space. Let’s not talk about the disaster that is my house, let alone the 5 or 6 blog posts I have sitting my drafts queue waiting to be finished. And, as I’ve been coyly hinting for a couple of weeks, I’ve got big plans in 2013 for The Infertility Voice.
But right now, all I want to do is sleep and not feel like poo 24 hours a day. Well, 22 hours a day. I usually get two solid hours each day where everything feels like rainbows and unicorns.
I will continue to fight through this as best I can. I’m trying to post at least once daily at my Facebook page if you’re looking for a little more frequency from me.
And tomorrow, I’m going to join Kathy’s Time Warp Tuesday a whole three days late and show off something entirely “non-pregnancy, non-infertility let’s just have some fun already” related. Hint: it will include a musical instrument, hopefully with a short video. Because I need to cheer the fuck up and I’m sure you’d like to read something a little cheery from me as well.
Peace.
Keiko, did they change your dose when you got pregnant? my RE didn’t increase mine enough and mine is on the rise too and it’s freaking me out!! I can’t do anything but sleep these days either! I think yesterday, I was awake for like 5 hours total……
Hope you feel better soon!
Feel better, Keiko! Don’t have thyroid issues, but can relate to the sleep problems + depression. Just take good care of yourself… <3
I think we need to have an “I Hate My Thyroid Disease” party.
It sucks that you’re feeling so awful, that they haven’t figured out how to stabilize the roller coaster from hell, that there’s all of this OTHER hormonal shit happening in your life, making it even more insane. Sending stable thoughts your way!
Poo. It sucks that you’re feeling so awful. I remember when my husband was in the hospital after his accident, one thing had gotten knocked out of whack and that knocked so many other systems out of whack. That the body can keep itself in balance amid all the cycles and changes is amazing to me.
Wishing your body well in regaining its healthy balance among all the changes and cycles. I don’t care what day your Time Warp post is up — I’ll look forward to reading it!
So sorry to read this Keiko. As a Hashi’s gal myself (TSH at time of DX a whopping 55.38!) I totally feel your pain.
While I’ve been reading along with your story for some time now (and directing members of my real-life support group this blog’s way as well), the following sentence forced me to comment for the first time.
“There’s the hormonally-driven crying jags (seriously, anything will set me off) but sometimes it’s hard to tell when it’s The Knish and when it’s the soul-crushing endocrinological depression that thrives off skyrocketing TSH values. Which, once that realization sinks in, causes – you guessed it – more crying jags.”
Yes, yes, YES!
Even when I’m totally in range I have this constant internal monologue going on of, “Wait, why am I tired?” “Hold up, is my skin dry because it’s December in central New York, or something far more sinister?” “Did I just forget that word because I’m tired and over-worked (I am!), or are my antibodies about to ravenously eat a metaphorical hole so large out of my thyroid that I’ll forget what a phone is for again (yea, true story… also forgot dear hubby’s name there for a while…)”
This is why – after my TSH went from 1.2 (perfect!) at my last endo check up 1 month ago, to a 2.1 at my first new RE consult last week I started freaking the f- out! When the aforementioned new RE dismissively said, “2.1 is perfect, you have nothing to worry about!” I just about shot daggers out of my eyes and straight into his voicebox. This stuff gets in your head and makes you fear every dropped hair and every dry patch. Having been both super hypo and suuuper hyper (thanks, ignorant PCP, for starting me on 150mcg of Synthroid straight out the gate — that was AWESOME!), I live life terrified of either extreme.
Vent over, but wishing you the best. Thanks for all you do for the IF community, and thanks for continuing to draw attention to the (per my old GP) “easily fixed, totally not a big deal” issue of thyroid disease!
Keiko, this sounds miserable! I think most of us in the infertility world know a thing or two about “hormona-coasters” but it’s nothing compared to this! I’m really hoping the lack of extra progesterone and estrogen pumping in will help to stabilize that TSH. Good luck!