To say I’m a little stir-crazy is an understatement. Allow me, if you will, to take on you the maddening inner monologue I’ve had for the past four days:
Am I pregnant? Am I pregnant? Am I pregnant? Am I pregnant? Am I pregnant? Am I pregnant? Am I pregnant? Am I pregnant? Am I pregnant? Am I pregnant? (Source.)
Folks, I have not been outside of my house since 10am Saturday morning.
I have developed a remarkable level of sympathy for my two cats, whose only exposure to outside fresh air exists only when we open the windows. I’m half tempted to just open the doors and let them run free, but I know they’d meet a messy end or get lost in the wilds of Salem if I did. They’re just too soft, you see. They couldn’t hack it like regular outdoor cats.
You know what I love about my house? Our wide plank pine floors. You know what I’m sick of looking at? Our wide plank pine floors. Suddenly I understand what Charlotte Perkins Gilman was getting at in The Yellow Wallpaper.
I’M IN THE FLOORS NOW. . .
* * *
Things I Would Really Like to Do Today:
- Exit my house.
- Go for a walk.
- Drive my car.
- Talk to someone other than my husband (I love you, honey!).
- Do some yoga.
- Go out to eat.
- Have sex… or at least an orgasm.
- OMG ANYTHING ELSE ALREADY
What I’ve Actually Been Doing:
- Sitting on the couch.
- Laying down on the couch.
- Sitting up in bed.
- Laying down in bed.
- Sitting at the dining room table – for a change of scenery!
- Sleeping.
- Napping.
- Working (but not very much).
- Watching a little bit of TV.
- Reading a trashy YA novel (more on that tomorrow).
- Getting nightly shots in my ass (more on that below).
* * *
Remember how giddy I was after surviving my first PIO shot last week? Yeah, the soul-crushing reality of what 14 weeks of this could be like has fully set in.
Fuck that noise. PIO shots suck.
Because of the house arrest bed rest, I haven’t been able to do the yoga I’ve been doing immediately following the shots at night. Many, many, MANY thanks to Lori at Write Mind, Open Heart for sending me lots of yoga poses that help stretch out my hip muscles and ease the PIO shot pain. Happy Baby, Pigeon Pose and Downward Dog = true PIO pain lifesavers.
Well, that was until I had to press the pause button on my yoga for the last 4 days. I very nearly started crying before Larry had to give me last night’s shot (which, he’s doing a really good job); I’m just so tired of them already.
Am I complaining? Yes, yes I am. These motherfuckers hurt, people.
Am I a little bitchy? Yes, yes I am. I’ve got the power of female hormones pumping through my veins. I’m kind of like a bitchy version of the Hulk right now.
Do I have a right to complain and be bitchy right now?
I don’t even care what the answer is, I just am.
Ugh, can I go for a walk outside yet??
* * *
Also, here’s the glorious fun of my first 2WW: the “is it early pregnancy or is it progesterone” guessing game I’m playing just about every waking second of the day. I imagine that if I weren’t confined to my house and able to get up and just do something as simple as the dishes – my G-d, how I LONG to do the dishes right now* – I think I’d be handling this a little bit better.
*Why am I not doing the dishes, pray-tell? Here’s a clip from my after-care instruction sheet. (The nurse underlined that section, not me.)
If I could do something other than “lay around the house and obsess over my body”, perhaps I would obsess just a little less than I am right now.
* * *
I get out off of prison bed rest tomorrow. First thing I’m doing tomorrow: going for a walk in my neighborhood. Filling my lungs with the crisp autumn air. And then yoga-ing my little heart out on my little purple mat.
Oh purple mat, I’ve missed you.
* * *
Beta is scheduled for next Thursday, October 11th.
9 days to go.
It seriously cannot get here fast enough.
I can only tell you to watch marathons of t.v./movies as that was the only thing that got me through housebound times of my disability. It’s such a great way to get out of your own head. Then again, so are trashy YA novels 🙂 I’ve been thinking of you often (which sounds creepy) and hope that this day, and the next, and next, and so on, pass quickly.
You can do it! You can get through today and you can get through to next Thursday and you can get through whatever comes after that. You. Can. Do. This.
so glad lori shared those poses with you! brilliant.
I also agree a bit of fresh air would be good, especially if you’re too stressed about being cooped up. and I hate to say this — truly, I do — but above all, you just want to relax and not worry or stress more than inherently necessary.
lots of good tips about warming the oil, and your bottom after! I also put ice on first to numb the site before injecting. it helped a bit. but the massage and warm after is the best.
fyi, I had phantom pain in my ass for a few years after the last shot. just saying.
It’s so funny: every time you post a picture of those huge plank gorgeous floors, I drool. There is not one home on the West Coast that has floors like that. And, The Yellow Wallpaper is one the creepiest stories ever. Shudder!
I have been thinking about Team Zoll a lot. Every day I’m like, “When’s Friday?” I can only imagine the suspense…
Team Zoll!!
Just so you know, Oct 11 is a VERY special day. My birthday, my daughters birthday (my egg/DS), and the day I found out I was pregnant with my son (DE/DS) just sayin’, that day has some good history.
I agree that PIO sucks. Have you talked to your doctor about crinone gel? It’s a progesterone supplement that you don’t have to inject, and it works as well as PIO. I used it the cycle I got pregnant with Eggbert.
Good luck!
Yeah, bedrest. Certainly not one of my favorite activities. Great for the first few hours, but no moving around for days? Ugh.
Hang in there, though. You’re almost free. And then you can focus on distracting yourself. In the meantime, channel your inner kitty and focus on working on those short naps.
Good luck in this TWW!
Our clinic tells us to get up and go as normal after transfer – I wish we’d been given 4 days of rest off!!!
I’m so glad the asanas were helpful!
And that you’ll get to be back to doing all your happy activities soon.
Counting the hours til beta (200, give or take).
I know you will be THRILLED to see tomorrow! In the meantime, in case you were looking for some pain free PIO pointers (heh): http://creatingmotherhood.com/2010/09/20/interjecting-about-injections-pio/
I ran hot , hot water over my vial of PIO before drawing it up and injecting it… Myself! It’s really not that bad. If you do try doing it yourself I wouldn’t suggest the thigh… Tried that once, must have hit a nerve- not good!! But sitting here wishing you guys the bestest!!! 2WW SUCKS, but at least you have a lot of people to commiserate with.
Am I the only one whose RE told me specifically NOT to do bed rest? He was basically like “bed rest doesn’t accomplish anything except drive you stir crazy”. LOL So I’m all for going out and doing something fun. You think all those teenagers who get pregnant are on bed rest for 4 days after having sex? Nope… 😀 Good luck!
Oh Keiko. How I understand. I am driving myself crazy over here at 5dp5dt. And let me let you in on a sad secret: the obsessing? Doesn’t stop. Even after you are let out of your prison. In fact it gets worse the more your wait continues, because then it becomes more and more likely that what you’re feeling COULD BE early pg symptoms. It’s honestly torture, I can’t wait to be done. Oh! And my clinic pushed back my beta day from Monday to Tuesday since Monday’s a holiday. One extra day! Can you imagine? It’s enough to make a gal decide to test early on her own.
So maybe I’m not the best person to comment on this, but I took “limited” activities as run slower and shorter after a 24-hour period of relaxing. I had my transfer on Saturday and ran 5 happy miles on Monday. Slower, yes, but I ran them.
Seriously, go out and take a walk. Nice and slow, relaxed, don’t go crazy. Just breathe in the fresh air. I’m a huge believer in keeping your soul happy to help deal with the 2ww crazies. And at this point, you’ve done 3 days of bedrest. Get back out into life!
Also – PIO – I discovered that doing my own shot is actually LESS PAINFUL than when Charlie did it. I think something about putting the needle in SUPER slow and having control over when it happens means I don’t tense up as much and therefore it’s WAY easier on me. Since doing it myself I haven’t had any issues, and I had a LOT of issues initially. Charlie was good at it, but it’s just better that I do it myself.
Other tips: Put the container of oil in your bra for a half hour before the shot. Right after the shot, massage – HARD – for 30 seconds. Then sit on a heating pad for 15 minutes.
Fingers crossed so hard for you.
xoxo
I’ll admit it; I’m probably one of the rare few who enjoyed couch potato duty (which is what one of my REs called post-transfer bed rest). Still, the fact that there was little to do other that sit and obsess over what might be going on in your uterus was maddening. Next Thursday feels like a lifetime away. I’m still sending out GrowTeamZoll vibes!