Our cycle continues to march forward with a steady pace. Our donor has finished her birth control pills, so her CD1 should be any day now. We’re still on target for a 9/22 retrieval, 9/25 transfer.
My RE has upped my estrogen. I’m now taking 6 mg daily in addition to wearing an estrogen patch. I am getting tired of having to scrub off gummy adhesive rings off my skin every three days, my ass like some strange target practice. I get weepy. I get sleepy very suddenly only to get second, third and fourth winds late in the evening. With the dosage increase, the breast tenderness came back. Blurgh.
With the crisp turn in the weather today, my body feels the familiarity of the start of another school year, but this year, I’m not beholden to it. For the first time since I was 4, actually.
It seems so out of place for it feel so much like school time right now – it’s both in the air and in my blood – and instead to be sitting at home, hammering away on my keyboard, furiously writing and designing.
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I have been listening to Circle+Bloom’s Egg + Embryo Donation Program For the Hopeful Parent since I began taking my estrogen on Cycle Day 2. It’s been fantastic, as my begin to align body and mind towards our singular goal. I’ve slept better than I have in months, as Joanne’s voice gently carries me toward restful, rejuvenating slumber.
In full disclosure, I received a copy of this program from Circle+Bloom… and I’m so glad I did. I find myself revisiting the guided meditations during the day, when I find myself getting overwhelmed at the prospect of what lies ahead of us. It’s not just the mind-body support that’s been helpful, but the emotional benefits as well. The Donor Egg Circle+Bloom program allows for that emotional response, making room for our hearts to burst with nervousness, excitement and even longing – before intentionally positioning our mind towards positive outcomes. It’s splendid.
I love that there are tracks for so many different parts of the donor egg IVF cycle experience: three different suppression period meditations, then meditations categorized very specifically for the estrogen part: days 1-3, 4-6, 7-10, 11 through transfer. There’s an extended meditation for the transfer procedure itself and then three more tracks for the infamous two-week wait.
Having listened to all the suppression and estrogen meditations, I’ve felt the anxious edge taken off of my excitement and felt myself gravitate more towards joy and empowered hope. One of my favorite lines that I keep coming back to is from one of the earlier meditations:
“Feel that your uterus is extending its arms to ready itself for the embrace of a lifetime.”
Every time I turn that phrase over in my head, my heart just fills with excitement and hope. It really has been incredible mind-body program that has completely shifted my mood and stress levels. I can’t wait to listen to the rest of the meditations as we move further along in our cycle.
If you’re interested, there’s even a mind-body program for the Egg Donor as well. Circle+Bloom sells both programs (Hopeful Parent + Egg Donor) bundled as well as individually; the bundle package saves you 40% off the cost of buying them separately.
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I had my first acupuncture appointment Friday and I have another this morning, after I get some blood work done. As someone who is pretty damn terrified of needles, I was astounded at my own resilience and calm during the procedure as I was covered with ten needles on my arms and legs.
Matthew, my acupuncturist, was just wonderful. We went over my medical history and he talked about his goals for my treatment.
“We’re building your baby’s first nursery,” he began. “We want your uterine lining thick and soft and plush so that when that embryo is transferred into you, it’s like your body is saying ‘Welcome Home!'”
Now that is my kind of complementary practitioner. He was extremely detailed and thorough, answering my questions and gauging my responses to each needle. I felt at ease under his care.
I thought the needles would hurt, but it was no more pain than as is someone flicked my skin with their forefinger. No pinch, no stabbing sensation – just that brief flick and 3 inches of stainless steel needle poked out from my skin. Matthew “tuned” the strength of each needle according to what level of sensitivity I could withstand. Some needles were tuned more strongly than others, creating what I can only describe as an unseen wavelength – an internal hum – between all of the needles across my limbs.
I froze as I saw him go for my forehead. That quick flick against my skin and then WHAM. A needle placed right in the middle of my third eye. It felt electric, but not like I was being electrocuted. More like powering up, if that makes any sense. Suddenly I felt all of the needles simultaneously as this wavelength hummed through my body, opening up sensations throughout my limbs.
The best way I can describe the acupuncture experience is as if he took a tuning fork and struck it between my eyes, unlocking a channel of sound that was felt but not heard – a perfect, harmonious chord – within me.
I sat there for an hour, practicing controlled, even breathing, recalling even some of the Circle+Bloom meditations. I marveled at the needles sticking up from my skin and my amazing calm at seeing them there. I dozed briefly. I felt at peace, taken to a level of deep relaxation and total mellowed-out-ness that I had to wait a good half hour AFTER that just to be able to safely drive home.
I hovered on that unseen wavelength well into the weekend.
As each day brings me closer to retrieval and transfer, I find myself going deeper within. Channeling that wavelength with greater intention.
Like trying to discern a singular voice in a chorus of many. A frequency, a lyric, a melody so familiar and instinctual – straining my ear to hear it clearly amid the din:
The call to motherhood.
A pulsing womanhood call to what I know and believe I have the capacity to become.
A whispered promise that is unseen but known, felt but unheard: coursing, pulsing, radiating from within.
WHOA. I love the description of your acupuncture experience … and all of this, actually … beautiful imagery … poetry. A nursery befitting a Zoll.
I love the Circle + Bloom programs! They are amazing! Add in the fact that I’m also an acupuncture addict and I can’t think of a better way to prepare for the journey ahead. I’m so glad that your first experience was a wonderful one.
It sounds like a great combination of alternative therapies as you embark of this journey. Many positive thoughts your way!
thank you to your reader who attached the PCOS site with information for women not in chidbearing mode also. Very interesting. IMPORTANT information too.
Holding good thick plush inviting thoughts for you!
What a great combination of therapies — acupuncture and meditation. May all channels continue to open as you and your donor proceed.
I’m glad that you are feeling so positive!
I used circle+bloom during my DE cycle, too, although I just used their regular IVF program and adapted it to my needs. (I don’t think they had a DE program then. . . or if they did, I didn’t know about it.) I found it helpful and relaxing. And I bought their healthy pregnancy program with the intention of using it, but then didn’t because I was too exhausted and felt like crap all the time, LOL.
I am so glad that the meditations are working so well for you. I didn’t realize C&B had a donor embryo meditation – I would have loved to have used that during our cycle. I used another meditation that was simply geared towards envisioning what you wanted in the future. I found it to be extremely helpful.
Also, I wanted to let you know – I don’t remember this with 100% certainty as it was at least 2 years ago now that I was last on “the patch” – but try baby oil to remove the sticky residue left behind. I seem to remember that I rubbed myself raw after removing the first patch and then found out the baby oil trick…
I am SO glad you’re doing both circle and bloom and acupuncture. I found both to be essential components for my well being during our IVF cycle last year (the product of which is now snuggling into my chest!). And I know exactly what you’re describing with acupuncture. I think of it more as these areas of my body were blocked, and each zinging is pushing open the blockage, getting the perfect flow of energy through my body.