Before I get into the meat of this post, I want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who commented on and emailed me about Tuesday’s post. It was a difficult post for me to write, because I don’t want those of you who ARE pregnant/parenting to think that I don’t care about you. I do – very much so.
Someone commented that I just need to find a new tribe right now. Someone else mentioned how I’m straddling this weird place of being somewhat of a “veteran” and yet still new to treatment. I admit, it is a weird place to be in and I’m deeply grateful for those of you that have shared your blogs and offered to by cycle buddies with me.
Seriously, folks: it’s really meant a lot to me. Thank you.
As I was pruning my Google Reader (and now I have a bunch more to add! Thanks all!), I was struck by how many blogs just seemed to stop, as if mid-sentence in the story of their journeys. Sometimes people just move on or lose interest in blogging. Other times they’ve resolved and neatly tie up their blogs with one last goodbye post. But a lot of these blogs – it’s like the mystery of the Roanoke Colony: meals half eaten, fires smoldering, and not a trace of life to be seen.
I may be a terrible commenter (as in, I rarely comment) but I do read. And I certainly do care, whether I comment or not. So I get worried and fear the worst that something has happened.
Back near the end of 2010, I put out an all-points bulletin (APB) for a bunch of blogs that either up and vanished or just stopped blogging. And, like a good Jewish wife – I worry. I’m still seeking updates for some of those blogs listed.
Sadly, I have way more blogs to add for this ALI Blogger APB.
Here’s how it works: below are ALI bloggers that have stopped blogging or disappeared. If you know what’s happened to any of them, please let me know in the comments. If you have contact information for any of these folks, please email me – I actually do reach out to missing bloggers via email just to check in and make sure they’re still alive. (I say that with 100% seriousness.)
Immediate APB Issued for the These ALI Bloggers:
- Glass Case of Emotion at A Little Blog About the Big Infertility: Her last post was February 2011. While her posts still appear in my reader, it looks like she’s taken everything down. It’s now just a basic Blogger template with the title “I’ve been working.” She used to be very active and then it seemed like she just stopped and packed it all up.
- An Unexpected Life: Her blog is now invite only and I’ve reached out to her twice via email, but most recently got a bounceback. Would love to know what happened with their adoption journey.
- Barefoot and…: Mom of one, she was moving on to treatments again. Granted, her most recent post is May 24th of this year; she’s been posting sporadically and mentioned she’d be cycling in June, but no word yet.
- Chickenpig, are you still there? I know your last post was only at the end of May, but you were a regular commenter here and it seems like you’ve vanished. I worry.
- Bottoms Off and On the Table: Her last post was in December 2011 and it appears she’s on a break, or as she puts it “current status: on a very extended break…maybe forever.” I’ve reached out to her via email and hoping I hear more.
- Impersonating Normal (formerly Infertility Rocks!) hasn’t posted since June 2010. There was a marked turn in the tone of her blog, and her last post contemplates silence. She leaves us with an update about pursuing embryo donation and that she’ll “be back sooner than later” – but nothing since that post.
- Another invite-only blog: Just Two Lines Away is now invite-only and I don’t seem to have her contact information. The last post of hers I see in my Reader is dated December 2011 and she writes about closure in the context of their failed IVF cycle. I would really like to know how their journey has unfolded since then.
- Michelle D of Learning How to Dance in the Rain, mom of twins via donor egg, has pretty much up and vanished. The blog is gone.
- Ok, this one’s not an ALI blogger, but much weirdness at her site. Nirvana Mamma had a killer momblog/social media/blogging tips blog that just kind of up and disappeared – all of her posts were gone. Then randomly, she’s got a post from April saying that she’s building a community and hoping to have a huge group of fans. Except that her blog has been stripped of its former glory. She vanished off Twitter too, with allusions to a new job. Am definitely intrigued to find out what became of her.
- Last I heard, Perchance to Dream was adopting from Bulgaria. Her last post is from September of 2010… and then nothing.
- Mrs. Farmer hasn’t updated since April of 2011. I think her mom might have had cancer?
- Tubeless in Seattle, mom of triplets, pretty much stopped blogging at the end of 2011, now that her boys were toddlers. She was planning to start a new blog, The Blonde Baker – but it’s nowhere to be found when you click on it from her old IF blog.
ALI Blogger Updates
These are folks who have stopped blogging or are taking a break, or have otherwise shared with me the status of their blog.
- It looks like Being Barren has stopped blogging this past March, without any kind of resolution to their journey.
- After months of silence, Olive Leah is back! …Well, maybe not. We’ll see.
- It would appear after the birth of his son in August 2011, I Want to Be a Daddy is no longer blogging or tweeting. Hoping he’s well, but looks like it’s wrapped up.
- Cloudy with a Chance of Hope is now a proud mom after several losses. For whatever reason, her RSS feed wasn’t working and so I stopped seeing updates after December 2010. Turns out she gave birth in September of last year and has been posting regularly. So, less an update and more of a *facepalm* moment for me for not clicking over to her blog from my Reader.
- After adoption a little boy from Vietnam in December 2011, The Inadequate Conception has decided to take a break from blogging as of May 2012.
Now, it’s your turn: which ALI bloggers that you follow have stopped blogging or disappeared? Add them to this most recent edition of the ALI Blogger APB in the comments. And, if you have answers, let us know!
(We worry.)
UPDATE: As folks have begun to leave me other blogs/bloggers that have gone missing, I’m tweeting them out as of today, Friday, July 20th. Looking for a blogger? Hit me up on Twitter @KeikoZoll with hashtag #ALIBloggerAPB.
After my reply I was skimming other comments and getting tearful. It really is such an amazing group of women out there who wonder and worry about women they don’t even know in real life. Infertility is such a tough situation and I feel blessed to share these blogging worlds about it with women who really do care.
Keiko…You are a sweetheart and I do love this idea. Some of the blogs you’ve mentioned I also used to follow until vanishing occurred. I will have to get through this comment scroll to get new info also. I didn’t expect to be found among the missing. I think Brenda updated the address for How To Dance In The Rain …I changed it to http://www.hearts2match.blogspot.com to reflect the new way of life around here. I am still following your journey as well (catching up on the last few posts). Hope you doing well and looking forward to hearing more from you 🙂
Hi Keiko and friends!
I thanks for checking in with me! I have not posted for a while, as I am trying to come to terms with my (secondary) infertility, really trying to move on from this stage in my life. I had always imagined it would end abruptly with a pregnancy or even just a reason we are unable to conceive. No such luck on my end – I am just no longer pursuing ART, taking fewer OPKs, not getting (as) worked up when my husband plans a trip during my fertile window… Which is my version of no longer ‘trying’…
It’s still so painful, and blogging about it was cathartic at one point, but recently seems to take me to a sadder place.
I do like having community, however. In my 3 years of infertility, I have happily seen many of my infertile sisters get pregnant and have babies – which is hard – obviously I am happier for them than the ‘friends’ who get pregnant accidentally with their 3rd at 41 and want my sympathy… But I am constantly left in the dust, barren.
I am trying to move on, and writing about it used to help – and maybe it will again someday – but right now it gets me into a sad a jealous place. I wanna be able to celebrate with my friends again, regardless of where they are in their reproductive lives – I don’t know if I will ever be able to attend a baby shower again, but I’d like to think I’d have the strength to someday…
I never really had many readers anyway, so I don’t think anyone but Keiko even noticed! But bless you, sweet Keiko, for noticing!
Hi Keiko, Michelle D formerly of learningtodanceintherain is happy and well and blogging at http://hearts2match.blogspot.com!
Sweet! Thanks for the update 🙂 Adding her to my Parenting RSS Feed list now 🙂
Thank you for this post! I always wonder about the disappearing ones, especially when they leave after a milestone.
The one I’ve been missing is http://infertilityinanutshell.blogspot.com/ She was about 10 weeks pregnant when she stopped blogging, and I often wonder what has happened since
Just posted about her on Twitter – will let you know if I hear anything!
Thanks so much for doing this Keiko! I’m missing Chon who used to blog at http://mypathtoinsanityandbeyond.blogspot.com. The blog has disappeared, I think her last post was somewhere in March, when was around 28 weeks pregnant (IVF) so if all went well she probably gave birth by now but I worry something horrible happened and that’s why the blog is now deleted… She signed up to PAIL so maybe someone who keeps the PAIL list has her contact info…?
I would definitely reach out to the ladies who manage PAIL – a great group of bloggers 🙂
Hi there Keiko,
I really appreciate this list. I guess you have already been told about Glass Case of Emotion … she has moved and is blogging there.
I have been worried about Chronicles Of…(http://mylifechronicles.wordpress.com/). She was pregnant with twins after RPL…and had a normal, routine update about an ultrasound in February 2011, and then she just stopped posting. I have left her messages several time, and there is no mail address on her blog…I wonder how she is…how are her babies…
Thanks for the update and I’ll post a blurb about “Chronicles of” on Twitter now.
I’m one of the bloggers mentioned above. I was known as TwoDogMama from An Unexpected Life blog. I still read blogs regularly but stopped blogging when my son was around two months. It was too much with working full-time, newborn, and all. Plus, I had some serious privacy concerns because we did adopt and I wanted to respect my son’s privacy and his story. My son is now 21 months old and is wonderful. We are on the fence about a sibling and I am considering writing again as we process through that. Thank you Keiko for trying to check up on me. I love reading your blog and best wishes to you on your IVF journey. If I start writing again I’ll be sure to let you know.
Welcome, welcome – with a huge smile and an open heart around here. Courtney, I’m so thrilled to hear that things are well for you. That we can count you as another one of the many success stories out there. Thank you so much for taking the time to swing back here and keep me in the loop – I’m most grateful 🙂 Wishing you all the best in your next steps to give you son a sibling – if you do decide to write again, whether at the old digs or a new space, do swing by and leave us all a link. I know I’d love to read you again.
Stopping by from LFCA. I also read Infertility Rocks/Impersonating Normal for quite awhile. I was sad when she stopped posting but found out earlier this year that she’s back with a new blog. She hasn’t posted in awhile but you can find her at http://rememberingfunny.wordpress.com/.
Thanks for the update, Ordinary Girl! She had me worried with the darkness in her last post at Impersonating Normal.
I love that you do this. Because it shows how much we care about the bloggers we follow and that we do worry about them when they vanish without a trace. Every blogger makes an impact, whether they know it or not.
My blogger who went MIA was Miss Ruby: she made a comment which reshaped my blog for a year. No idea what happened to her. She was here: http://themissruby.blogspot.com/
@Jjraffe: I believe Miss Ruby is now blogging (on & off) as Stinkbomb at http://stink-bomb.blogspot.ca/ . She’s a thought-provoking writer & I’ve been following her for some time, but she does tend to bounce from blog to blog (start a new blog, close it after awhile & then start a new one). ; ) I think this is at least her fourth blogging incarnation.
Keiko, thanks for mentioning JL at Just Two Lines Away. She & I have geography in common as well as ALI ; ) & I too would like to know how she’s doing.
Esperanza, I too worry about people who just disappear, & wish they would post at least once more to tell us what’s going on, even if it’s “I’m just not into blogging right now, sorry.” I prune through my Google Reader now & then. Any inactive blogs get put into an “inactive” folder, and I am always happy when a new post pops up there. Only if, after awhile, the links don’t work anymore, etc., will I actually delete the blog from my reader.
Sure thing – I’m glad to know that there are other folks worrying about some of the blogs I’ve listed here. It just proves the point that Jess makes above: “Every blogger makes an impact, whether they know it or not.”
It’s like I say around here – every infertility story matters. And for as many blogs I followed since the early days of my own blogging have resolved, I’m concerned at the number that just stopped/disappeared.
Thanks Loribeth for updating me about Miss Ruby!!
Aww, thanks Jessica. I’m one of those people who needs to know what happens… I’m not a fan of cliffhangers in any sense. As an infertility peer group leader, I’ve had many people come and only show up for one peer group session. And I always wonder what happened to them, where their journey has taken them… I also often wondered about a lot of former students of mine that I supervised but thanks to Facebook, I can now keep in touch with most. It’s these bloggers, especially the anonymous ones, who leave no other form of contact other than their blog – these are the ones that eat away at me when they disappear. Worse still is when URLs just stop working. Seriously – I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Die Frau Ohne Schatten for like, 2 years. I greatly admired her blog and was deeply invested in her journey.
“My blogger who went MIA was Miss Ruby: she made a comment which reshaped my blog for a year. No idea what happened to her”
Oh my Jjiraffe thank you so much, such kind words from you! I’m still around the blogosphere but have distanced myself considerably from the ALI community because it became just too painful at times. I still read some ALI blogs but I rarely blog about the topic myself anymore in an effort to try and move forward with life – some days I’m winning that battle, other days I’m failing miserably!
I’d be interested to know what comment of mine had such a profound affect on your blog? If you do not wish to share it here, please feel free to email me at either dearstinkb0mb@gmail.com or dearmissruby@gmail.com it would be lovely to hear from you!
And Loribeth, thank you for YOUR kind words, it’s always nice to hear that a reader likes what you write! And yes you are correct, I had/have a nasty habit of blog bouncing – I get bored but I have stuck at the same url for awhile now and plan to stay put & if I feel like a change I’ll just change my blog up at the same space! I also have been blogging on and off. I went through a major funk earlier this year where I just couldn’t write a blog post out for the life of me but I’m slowly getting out of that and at the moment I’m aiming for 2 to 3 posts a week, building up to at least 4 to 5 times a week within the next few months.
It’s amazing how I happened upon this post tonight! I looked at LFCA for the first time in MONTHS and saw it and clicked, perhaps it was meant to be eh?
Brilliant idea Keiko!!
Delayed in DINKville. No news after the scare in December 2011. http://delayed-in-dinkville.blogspot.com/
Hmm.. haven’t heard anything. Just tweeted out her blog to see if anyone on Twitter has updates.
I have a really big problem with people who just stop posting and don’t say what is going on. Seeing a blog post sitting there in the ether, like it’s just any post with the expectation of another, but with a date from a year or more ago is a sad and scary thing to come across. I follow a few people’s whose blogs are like that and I genuinely worry about them. A few were about to have babies and they just never said whether or not those babies arrived safely or if something horrible happened. I personally find that to be incredibly rude and inconsiderate. If you ask people for support during losses or struggles TTC, you owe it to people to let them know how things worked out. It’s not fair to just abandon them without warning when things start going well. That kind of blogging behavior really bothers me.
I frankly cannot understand how anyone could just abandon their blog without realizing they are also abandoning their readers. I personally have a post saved in my dashboard (and in a Word document) for if something where to happen to me and I’ve told my partner that if something were to happen to me he has to at least tell my readers what happened and publish that post. I just wouldn’t want them left wondering about me. That seems a horrible thing to happen to them. The reality is, when someone stops blogging out of the blue, I absolutely worry about them. I worry something horrible happened, that they are battling depression and can’t find their way out, that they are very sick, or hurt or have died. It’s stressful to imagine all the worst case scenarios.
I believe we owe our readers an explanation or at least an assurance that things are okay and we’ve decided to stop writing. I absolutely believe people owe their readers that. It might be an unpopular opinion around these parts (not your blog but the ALI community) but it’s how I feel.
Unfortunately I don’t know anything about the bloggers you’re concerned for. I wish I could ease your mind and your heart.
LIterally have like 2 sec to respond, so we’ll respond more fully later, but:
“I personally have a post saved in my dashboard (and in a Word document) for if something where to happen to me and I’ve told my partner that if something were to happen to me he has to at least tell my readers what happened and publish that post.”
I do the same exact thing. That’s a post for its own day.
I agree completely with you. I couldn’t just walk away and worry when others do it without a heads up.
My husband and one of my friends know where my log in information is and if anything were to happen to me, I would have them post something (anything) in my place just so that word could get out. Many bloggers on here know more about my personal life than my IRL friends. I consider many of them dear friends even if all I know them by is a username. They deserve to know whats going on too.
Here to expand on my previous comment: I completely agree. I think especially too, in the age of so many hoax blogs, too – it’s like, I want to know that the time and emotion I’ve invested in someone was for a real person. When they just vanish into the ether, I worry if maybe they were just toying with us.
And I think too, in the wake of someone like Nancy’s death, and other bloggers’ deaths or spouses’ deaths – it’s a valid worry when someone suddenly stops writing. I do have a (morbid) post I’ve been meaning to write about the digital imprint that remains in the wake of our deaths.
pink lipgloss and prenatals also deleted her blog after an IVF success resulting in twins… She should almost be full term if all went well. Wish I could reconnect!
Thanks for the update! I’ve let the Infertility.About.com Guide know as her blog appears to have been listed there.
I’m missing Kate at http://keeptryingkate.blogspot.com was a new blogger this winter/spring – she only had a few posts but she commented quite a bit. As another POF lady, I was looking forward to getting to know her. She’s been quiet as of mid-March, 2012.
I hadn’t heard of her until you linked. As a fellow POF-er, now I’m intrigued to know how she’s doing too.
A little blog about the big IF moved to WordPress. Adopted a baby girl recently. http://alittleblogaboutthebiginfertility.wordpress.com/
Thank you so much for the update! I’m so glad to hear of her success. I wish she’d posted that link over on her old blog, but I’m glad to have it here now. Thanks again!
And apparently – she moved from jesstutt.blogspot to alittleblogaboutthebiginfertility.blogspot too – I missed that move.
I email with Chickenpig regularly. She’s definitely still around (and I think left a comment yesterday on my last post). I probably have an email address for most of these and could send them a link to this post letting them know that you’re thinking about them.
I totally forgot that you collect emails when folks fill out the form to be added to your blogroll. And I’m sure most, if not all of these blogs are on it. If you want to send out an email, that would be awesome – no rush or anything; but it would be good to know what happened to some of them. Especially those from my last ABP (Die Frau Ohne Schatten especially).