After 3 years, our infertility journey is finally moving forward!
I’ve had this post sitting in my drafts folder for almost two months now, trying to figure out the best way to post this news. If I should post about this news at all. I know, it sounds funny that I wouldn’t want to talk about my journey but when suddenly faced with forward momentum, I clammed up.
I’ve been waiting to write about this for a couple of reasons. First, we wanted to make sure that everyone was on board: there are a lot of players to our story behind the scenes, and we wanted to make sure that everyone was comfortable with this arrangement.
Which brings me to my second bit of news…
Our egg donor is known to us.
I’ve been keeping so quiet about this because of that very relationship. Our donor is a friend to us, one who understands that my blog and my writing are my livelihood. She, and all the key players in her life to whom she’s disclosed about her decision, understand that in a lot of ways, I kind of need to write about my personal infertility journey. Which means, inevitably, writing about our egg donor.
And she’s totally cool with that. She’s even comfortable if I choose to write about her by name.
Interestingly enough, I’m not comfortable sharing her name or any details other than that we know her, we’re friends with her, and that she’s been gracious enough to make such an incredible, altruistic offer to us, one for which we’re deeply grateful.
It really is hard to put into words how grateful we are and touched we have been by her offer and commitment.
. . .
There are those who know us, who read this blog, and may be scratching their heads wondering who our egg donor may be.
This fact is known within a pretty small circle: us, our donor, her network of key players (and yes, I’m remaining intentionally vague about that), my parents, my in-laws, and my sister. There may be a handful of other friends who know specifics but I can’t remember who we have and have not told specifically, to be honest.
And if we don’t tell you, it’s nothing personal.
You might be wondering, “Why all the secrecy?”, whether you know me personally or not.
Well, it’s not secrecy. It’s a little more intricate than that. And that’s the other reason I’ve waited so long to announce this.
. . .
Nancy Docktor is an RNCS and therapist in private practice in Massachusetts. She often presents for RESOLVE New England, and at her When is Enough, Enough? program last October, she had this beautiful, insightful gem to share with the group:
“Secrets imply shame. That’s why we should think about being as open as possible with our future children. You decide who gets to know your child’s conception story. Privacy is not the same thing as secrecy.”
We’re not keeping secrets from anyone because we’re certainly not ashamed about pursuing donor egg IVF or ashamed of who our donor is. Far from it.
We just choose to be private about with whom we share that information. As far as Larry and I are concerned, the only people who really need to know who our egg donor is includes that list I mentioned a few paragraphs above, and our future child(ren).
That’s it.
So like I said, it’s nothing personal if you know me. And even if you don’t, and if you’ve been reading this blog for a long time, you know I disclose and talk about just about everything on this blog. I live my life pretty much as an open book but on this one thing… this we’re keeping private.
I know I don’t have to hope you’ll respect that; I know you will 🙂
. . .
So what does this mean? What’s next?
First things first: I’ve finally scheduled my effing hysteroscopy for May 10th. I am trying desperately trying not to freak out about this procedure, because I am terrified of scheduled surgery. So, I’ve got that goin’ on for me.
Next, we need to get mental health consultations. Larry and I will meet with a mental health professional. Our egg donor will meet with the same mental health professional. Then all three of us meet and hopefully, the mental health professional gives us the mental health greenlight.
Our egg donor needs to complete a ton of testing, as is normal for any donor egg cycle. I need to get my thyroid reined in. It’s out of control right now and as I mentioned before, anti-thyroid antibodies could potentially go after an embryo, so I need to get them out of my system and how.
I also need to drop some more weight. For whatever reason, donor egg recipients have a higher chance of gestational diabetes. So do overweight women who are pregnant, in general, even without IVF. I’ve lost 13 pounds since December. I would ideally, like to lose another 12. If I can manage to lose at least 10% of my old body weight, I’ll still be vastly overweight but a helluva lot better than I was. I’m halfway there.
Timeline-wise, we’re shooting to transfer mid to late August, which means cycling mid to late July.
. . .
Wow, this just got real.
Did I mention that I’m totally awesomesauce amazeballs excited?!
Because I totally am! 😀
So excited this warrants a smile, wink AND a grin: 🙂 😉 😀
Not to count our chickens before they’re hatched or anything, but I’m already making the Jumbotron reservations now at stadiums around the country for our hopeful pregnancy announcement 😉
Seriously, it feels incredible that our journey is moving forward. And it’s April already, so that means August will be here before we know it.
I have a lot of other thoughts to post about all of this, but I’ll save them for separate posts this week about why we (and more specifically I) decided to go with a known donor despite being hesitant about it before.
*raises a glass*
To moving forward!
I am so late to the party, but WOW! Great news! So happy you’ll be moving forward soon!
I have somehow missed this post! Shame on me.
So many congratulations to you and Larry! I think its amazing that you are moving onto the next stage of your journey. I completely understand finding that fine line between sharing and witholding some of the more private aspects because I myself have been dealing with that. Many family and friends in IRL know about and read my blog so its sometimes hard to find that line of how much is too much to share. I don’t think witholding the name of your donor is taking away from your experience.
I’m wishing you all the best as you move forward.
Very happy for you! I can’t wait to hear more about the new leg of your journey.
All the best to you Keiko! I just found your blog today-thank you! I just had and HSG and a Sonohysterogram-don’t worry or stress, you will do great! I too am working on having a child with my hubby who I adore and have been working on it for 2 years now. I also suffer from hypothyroidism so parts of your story resonate with me.
Sending you warm thoughts, best wishes and peace as you embark on the new chapter of your journey!
I know I’ve been pretty silent recently, but I HAD to pipe up and offer my CONGRATULATIONS!!! I am so excited for you and Larry!
Congrats – My husband and I used an egg donor and are expecting in July. Our donor was anon but we do have pictures of her to show the baby. We have made no secret about the donor situation. One of the things our “mental health” consultant told us to be sure and explain once our child is old enough is that the donor gave us an egg but that we (my husband and I) are the ones that created the child. So very happy for you!
Keiko – wonderful news about your known donor. that is just fantastic!! thanks also for stopping by my blog during ICLW. Finally having the chance to stop back by (altho you’re on my blogroll, so I read you pretty regularly).
SQUEE!!
Mo
congratulations! that is a HUGE step forward. and I totally agree about the difference between privacy and secrecy. good for you for recognizing your needs. raising a glass to you all as you move ahead on these exciting next steps together ~ cheers!
HOW EXCITING!!!!!!
Perusing your blog via ICLW (#86)
Amazeballs!!!!
I am so thrilled for you and Larry. This is wonderful news. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
Congratulations to all of you! This is SO beautiful 🙂
Wow, huge congrats Keiko & Larry! This is absolutely amazing news!
This is totally awesome news! So happy for you!
Oh, WOW!!! Shivers going up and down my spine! I am beyond thrilled for you! 🙂 Hooray for a new beginning in the long journey!
So thrilled for you both Keiko! I’m thinking of you every step of the way- wishing you all the love, support, health, and luck you could possibly receive. Because you deserve it- and that baby… man, that will be one lucky baby to have you two as parents.
Much love.
So exciting! Really happy for you, and I hope all the various steps between now and then go smoothly!
And yes, there’s a difference between secrets and privacy. I’m currently figuring out when to tell our families that we used donor eggs to get pregnant – we’ve previously talked about telling after the baby is born (per our therapist’s suggestion in the consult we were required to have) but now I lean to sometime between when we tell them we’re pregnant and when the baby is born. And also deciding which parts of the family to tell proactively.
Could not be happier for you, Keiko!!! Life is a journey and therefore we keep going forward. So glad you see your journey moving forward!! XO Melanie
Congratulations!!! That’s truly amazing news, and it speaks volumes of the circle you choose to surround yourself with. What an amazing gift.
I am so, so very happy for you, Keiko! Imagine me doing my happy dance for you!
HELLS, YEAH! That is some fabulous news 🙂
And if you want to keep private the details about your wonderful, amazing friend who is helping you and Larry (finally!) become parents, that’s fine by me. Everyone needs that one thing in their live to hold closely and not share with the world.
Lots of luck with all the upcoming preparations–the hysteroscopy, thyroid control, and weight loss.
Oh Keiko I am amazingly excited for you.
When we went through the donor sperm journey we didn’t share that we were even using donor sperm with the general public. Only a small handful of people from our inner circle. It wasn’t because we were ashamed, but it was because that story would be (or would’ve been) the story of our children to tell and share with who they wanted to.
I am incredibly happy for you. In fact, I was talking about you (in a good way of course) with some real life IF friends who are also on twitter. One of my friends is deciding whether to pursue donor eggs or embryo adoption so I was sharing your blog information with her.
Good things are in store for you and Larry. I just know it.
<3
Squeeeeee is right!!!! What awesome news!!!!
Looking forward to following the next steps!!!
WOOT! OMG Keiko! This is such wonderful news! Congratulations to you and Larry on clearing this huge hurdle. I’m always amazed by what motivates egg donors (or sperm donors for that matter) and the fact that your donor is known to you is all the more wonderful, and intriguing! But all the better because she knows your story. She knows what you’ve gone through and what you’ve done and moreso, she wants to help! How brilliant is that. (I wish I could donate as well… I know so many deserving people but dayyyymn, I’m old now!) Anyway, kudos to you all for this uplifting bit of news and here’s to moving forward! YAY!
Congratulations Keiko!!! That’s fantastic news!!!! Wishing you all the best as you move forward on your journey and I hope there is good news (Jumbotron size) in the near future!
OMGEEEEEEEEEEE !!! I am so over the moon, super stoked excited for you guys! I am crossing my fingers, toes, eyes, and everything else, that this is just the start of an amazing and blessed journey. Can’t wait to hear some good news in the future!!!
SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!! That is amazing fantastic incredible fabulous news!!!!! Congratulations to you on your impending sprig baby!!!!!!
SQUEEEEEEEE! That is awesome sauce amazeballs! Congratulations Keiko. Wishing you all the best in the world.
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Congrats to the three of you! This is amazing :):):)
Also. good luck on the hysteroscopy. It really isn’t bad, I promise. You’re a tough cookie, you.
Keiko, I’m so excited for you! This is exactly the kind of news I was hoping you’d be announcing today! This news absolutely DOES warrant a smile and a grin, and lot of giggles and hugs! July and August will be here before you know it!
Congrats, Keiko! That’s amazing news. I completely understand your hesitation with sharing everything about moving forward — I have struggled with that at times, too. And, yes, we deserve privacy whenever we feel we need it. So happy for you.