Today’s Time Warp Tuesday post is focused on resolution. We should pull up a post from our archives that captures this theme and then reflect on our journeys since then.
Resolution. Such a loaded term in the infertility world.
Even after we have kids, are we truly resolved?
. . .
I was drawn to this post, The Big Decision: Building Our Family, written back in April of last year. (This was a few weeks before I made my What IF? video.) Here’s the bulk of what I had to say:
Over the past week, I’ve been becoming more and more comfortable with the idea of how we plan to build our family. We’ve teased it out to our families and one friend: everyone is supportive and excited for us. And in reaching this decision, I feel like a HUGE weight has lifted off my shoulders. For once in this crazy journey, things feel like they’re in focus and with clarity comes relief and excitement.
Oh, but I am being coy, aren’t I? ^_^
So… we’ve decided we’re going to adopt!
If you’ve been following along since then, you’ll know that we changed our minds.
What does this have to do with resolution?
Resolution sounds so finite when in reality, the way we build our families is truly continuously evolving and growing, as we hope our families do, too.
Right after I announced that we had planned to adopt, I had this to say:
This is not at all how I would have imagined building a family. And I’m okay with that; this past year has been highly introspective and I’m at a place of peace when it comes to grieving my infertility. From darkness, light: from despair- hope, commitment, action.
Interestingly enough, the way I feel hasn’t changed. Just our plans.
And even though we’ve not “formally” resolved, there is still resolution to be found in being comfortable with the path we plan to take.
It’s that resolution without resolution that still gives us hope.
This post is part of the Time Warp Tuesday Blog Hop hosted by Kathy at Four of a Kind. Swing by her blog today to see who else is participating and join in the fun for next Tuesday.
Dude! This post answered my question to your past self! Awesome. I asked whether anyone in the infertility community is ever really resolved about their family-building plans.
“Resolution sounds so finite when in reality, the way we build our families is truly continuously evolving and growing, as we hope our families do, too.”
So, so true. Great post!
Loaded term, indeed.
“And even though we’ve not “formally” resolved, there is still resolution to be found in being comfortable with the path we plan to take.”
This was an incredibly powerful statement for me, as I am currently working toward becoming comfortable with the path that we are heavily leaning towards. I’m *almost* there, and there have found signs in life recently that make me realize that I’m closer to there than I may have realized. I hope to find that same kind of resolution soon.
My therapist told me to “try things on” to see how they felt. How did adoption feel to us versus donor egg? And over time, how they felt changed, and so it was back to donor egg.
There are still issues I wrestle with, and I suspect there will be more once we actually start the donor selection process. But until then, I’m okay with where we’re at, at the signs of encouragement I get from our supporters: family, friends, folks on this blog, and at the way it feels the longer I try this idea on.
I love this part of your post: “Resolution sounds so finite when in reality, the way we build our families is truly continuously evolving and growing, as we hope our families do, too.” I agree and really appreciate this perspective.
Over the past 9 years that we have been trying to build and then expand our family there have been periods of time when I felt a genuine sense of resolution after our five year journey through secondary infertility and loss.
However, ironically two years after the birth of our third child, our “rainbow baby,” after the birth and death of our second child, I feel less resolution then I did back then.
Since I wasn’t following your blog back when you wrote about choosing to adopt and then changing your mind to try to build your family with DE, I enjoyed reading both posts that you linked to hear to see how you and Larry came to those decisions.
I also really like how you ended your post,
“And even though we’ve not “formally” resolved, there is still resolution to be found in being comfortable with the path we plan to take.
It’s that resolution without resolution that still gives us hope.”
Since Bob and I have not “formally” resolved our family building journey yet, though we have made a “soft” decision to be done, I could really relate to the idea that having some resolution helps to find peace and acceptance, even when the door to a particular stage of our lives has not been closed yet.
Thank you for doing the Time Warp again with us this week! I always enjoy seeing what posts you pick and what you have to say about them and your life since when we do this blog hop/writing exercise.
Thanks Kathy! Happy to participate – I love these Time Warp Tuesday posts as it gives me the chance to see just how far we’ve come on our journey, and lets me reflect on where it’s going at the same time.
I like how you mention this idea of soft decisions and open doors – nothing is absolute, as I’ve very quickly learned on this roller coaster, but if you don’t let yourself feel settled at some point, I feel like you’ll always be chasing after perfection. In the end, you’re only exhausting yourself.
At one point, adoption made sense for us. And then that changed. And who knows where we could be in 6 months from now. But for now, where we are with this decision: it feels right.
Now… here’s hoping it all works! 🙂