I’m kind of a cranky bitch today. I had all these grand illusions for a lovely, cheery post today. Not happenin’. (It’ll wait until Sunday now.)
So, if you’re not in the mood for a ranty, bitchy post, move along folks. Or, if you’re like me or my dear friend Calvin (of Calvin and Hobbes), pull up a seat and commiserate for a while.
I guess I should probably elaborate on just exactly why I’m in such a shitty mood today, the throbbing, aching, debilitating reason why: I’ve got a toothache. I’ve had a toothache since Sunday night. Correction: I’ve had this toothache since January, but it flared up again in full force Sunday night.
Let me just put it out there: I hate the dentist. Not mine, who is a gentle man in a rather swanky office. Just dentistry in general. I have a thing about people touching my face or my head, so to sit in a chair, my mouth full with metal instruments and people ALL up in my business… it’s not a pleasant experience. Add to the fact that a) I hate needles and b) omg you want to stick a needle in my gums – it’s all around not fun times.
So I had an abscessed tooth back in January. Know how they tell you to rate your pain on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the absolute worst pain you have ever felt in you life? I know what a 12 feels like now – and this is coming from someone who had an ovarian torsion – it’s like all that pain was happening in my face and jaw. I gave Larry an at-home reenactment of The Exorcist the way I was screaming and writhing around in bed. And I’m not a screamer – I have a pretty damn high pain threshold.
So of course my Gentle Dentist says, “You need a root canal.” And I look at the estimate of costs (because our dental insurance blows like whoa) and because of my previous three horrifying root canal experiences with other dentists, I make the appointment and then promptly cancel.
My Gentle Dentist’s voice echoing in my head ominously: “If you don’t take care of this now, it’ll only get worse next time it flares up.”
And yeah, he wasn’t kidding. I’m pretty sure I’ve exceeded the legal limit for a week’s worth of ibuprofen consumption. So this morning I got The Lecture About How I Should Have Taken Care of This 6 Months Ago and if I don’t do it soon, they’ll have to extract the tooth instead of just a root canal.
Visions of the opening scenes of the Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman pilot flashed through my head (you know, when Colm Meaney is the town’s barber/dentist and he’s pulling out some Western dude’s tooth with no anesthesia – am I the only one who watched that show as a kid?) and that pretty much sealed the deal for me. Two weeks from now, it’ll be time for root canal numero quatro.
The other reason I’m so damn cranky?
It’s hot people. Like, really effing hot.
I am not normally one to complain about the heat. I grew up in southern New Jersey, and Philadelphia-region summers get gross. Sticky, hot, nasty gross. And then I moved to the DC-region. I thought I knew what humidity was until I went to July 4th fireworks on the National Mall one year and got schooled about what I thought I knew about humidity. There would be some days I’d make the 20 second walk from my car to my office feeling like I had just walked through someone’s wet ass.
So when I moved to Massachusetts, I have found the summers to be quite lovely. Living in Salem and less than a mile from the ocean makes for a very pleasant climate usually. But the last two days have been a little ridiculous. Even with our A/Cs blaring, it’s still hot as balls in our house. And at my office, too.
And as much as I love my Jetta, it’s black on black interior and exterior turns it into a small oven on wheels for the first 5 minutes I drive it.
Protip for all you VW owners: if you put your key in the driver’s side door, turn it to the left and hold it for a couple of seconds, all four windows will automatically roll down. Neat little trick they don’t mention in the manual.
So yeah. The heat makes me a wee bit cranky.
To complete my Trifecta of Crank…
I’ve also been taking birth control for 10 weeks straight now. I’m prescribed a generic version of Seasonale, but instead of taking it three months straight, I usually do my old routine of 3 weeks pink pills, skip the last week, bleed, lather rinse repeat.
I’m trying my experiment again, this time without the huge gaps in accidentally skipping a day or four. Let’s see if 12 solid weeks of birth control pills will stim my ovary, get me to ovulate on my own, do the bedroom mambo and perhaps make a baby. (So, for those of you that know us, if we aren’t answering our phones in the evenings the week of August 15, there’s your reason.)
I’ve got nothing to lose really. And hey, a week of sex might be fun.
But I’m pretty sure, since I’ve been taking my pill religiously every night, that this build up of hormones is turning me into a crazy lady. So, if this doesn’t work, and I don’t manage to get knocked up, this will be one helluva period.
Here, I’ll let my friends at SNL demonstrate:
Happy Friday, folks.
*pops another Advil, glares at her wimpy AC unit*
LOVE the video! I was laughing so loud that my husband was wondering what was going on.
Sorry about the toothache. Hopefully, you can get into the dentist soon.
Hi there! I found your blog through ICLW. I've never heard the term "hot as balls" but it is hilarious! I live in the Atlanta area, so I completely understand humidity. Sometimes I walk outside and it feels like a sauna. I'm icky by the time I get to my car.
I really hope you get your tooth taken care of soon. Maybe they can give you some nitrous oxide before they give you the shot so that you aren't so nervous.
Take care!
Laughing out loud over here … not about the hot, because it's hot at balls here, too, but the SNL sketch.
BTW, the ad that came on before the sketch? Something about babies. "Babius Maximus" was the last thing it said. So … here's to omens. Or something. ?!
Sorry you're in such a crap-tastic mood. But the Calvin comic was spot on perfect! That comic reminds me of why my husband calls me BattleFish at times. LOL
(ICLW)
Gah, the heat is unbearable isn't it? I am staying at home as much as possible as hormones and heat don't play nicely together (as you've discovered).
I got my giftcard in the mail — thank you! It is sitting in my purse while I decide on which frivilous, non-fertility related item I am going to spend it on. 🙂
Hugs,
Jo
Love that SNL sketch!
I'm sorry about your tooth. Mines' been flaring up lately too, and I'm in the same stage of denial. urgh. Dentists.
Whatever happens next – I hope you feel better!
OUCH!!! Hope you get the tooth taken care of, and it's as easy as possible. It sounds horrendous.
The heat must be miserable, too. Yuck. Stay in the A/C.
Wishing you well for August cycle
ICLW #5
So sorry that you're going thru the heat wave now, but am not weeping that it's gone from here!
*passes you the box of ice cream sandwiches*
Good luck with the tooth thing; my teeth are the one part of my body that's never given me any problems, aside from needing braces.
ok, what I would do for Aug 15 if I were you is buy a fertility spell off e-bay. Whaddya have to lose but about $10? Actually Aug 17 is the evening I conceived our Boy.
wink wink and pray
As far as the BCP go, that is how I got my miracle BFP! My son is due December 21. I'm praying that this works for you as well.
Ouch ouch ouch! Toothaches are bad!
And the hot.. [hot and humid and very not nice here too]
And add to that the hormones..
Wishing you for better days soon to come!
Holy crap, having a blinding toothache during a heat wave is about as crappy day as they get. I hope you can get it taken care of soon. Can they give you a valium or something? Just something to make someone being your mouth a bit more…palatable. Was that pun poor form? I hope things turn around for you or that you get a better AC!
Man, that tooth pain sounds awful!
Can I say that I now really wish I had a Jetta? I love that tip about the windows!
The SNL sketch made my day! 🙂
Oh, Keiko! I'm so sorry you have a toothache. When I was in college I needed a root canal (they have no idea why, just like all three root canals I've had, including one when I was 7!) and it was on my eye tooth. Every time I ate anything or the air touched it there were searing pains for like a minute. But I couldn't go to the dentist because my dad had been unemployed and I was on my universities insurance, without dental. I got dental but I had to wait like three months for it to kick in (maybe it was one but it felt like three). Anyway, it finally kicked in and when I went to the oral surgeon to check it out and he told me he could do it right then I literally cried from joy. He said he'd never seen someone so happy to get a root canal. And I was. For months I'd been having dreams of yanking it out with my bare hands, that is how much it was bothering me. The root canal took like 20 minutes and I remember thinking, that guy just made $1,000+ for 20 minutes of his time, and you know what? I don't even care. It was the worst.
I hope you can get relief soon and that it's not too traumatic when you do. Good luck!
Happy ICLW! I know how much the heat sucks! We are AC-less until at least Monday because we had a handiman show up yeterday and as soon as he walked in, he smelled the air and said, do you know you have mold? So, now they are tearing up carpet, cutting in to walls…and all that to treat the areas with it. Sucks, but hopefully it will help with everyones allergies and asthma issues. And I am like you when it comes to the dentist. In fact, I had my first tooth pulled a couple months ago, and man, the relief I felt after the tooth was gone, was amazing. The little extra pain from the needle and the work, is well worth it in the end. Stay strong!!
ICLW# 114
"feeling like I had just walked through someone's wet ass." HAHAHHA. Hilarious. (Um, but sorry that's what it's like! Feel free to send some of that over to the San Francisco area….preferably the warmth, not the wet ass.)
Ugh, it is gross out there! (As one in the Phila area!) And ugh tooth pain and dentists. All very very very yucky. Feel better soon.
Ditto on the crankiness – I was looking for some blogs to help get me out of my own crank today…and found you through IComLeaveWe, which I just discovered. I think I'll enjoy following your blog. Have a better weekend & hope the heat breaks soon (we're sizzling in Canada too!).
It's okay to have a crappy day once in a while… and it sounds like things have culminated to this point for you! Hope your toothache gets fixed up soon… it's worth the pain of the dentist for relief!
I LOVE that SNL sketch! Never seen that one before.