Back from the Cruise and Back to Life

I’m so sorry I have fallen off the internet radar in the last twoweeks. Just two days after coming home from our vacation, I managed to get one ugly case of strep that knocked me flat on my ass for three days this past week. Even though I was literally been in bed for 48 hours, I’ve been in so much pain and on so much medication that the thought of sitting down to blog was just too much. And then add to that I’d been out of work from our vacation, back a day, and then out sick for three days… I had a ton of catching up to do.

That being said, I’m back! And I have what I’m sure is going to be a lengthy travelogue of our vacation, because brevity is not my strong suit (my Japan travelogue, which I’ve not published here, but probably should at some point, is 31 pages and 14,000 words long). Here are the quick hits:

+ Cruise: Awesome! Relaxing. Norwegian is very different than Disney. Love love love me some cruises.
+ Grand Cayman: Beautiful, expensive, touristy, and the ocean water was just the most beautiful cerulean. Managed to avoid a sunburn but got a nice base tan. Bonus: drove a Jeep on the left side of the road (intentionally).
+ Cozumel: Touristy like WHOA, downpouring rain, I really don’t like ATVs, and I need to go back there on a fishing charter. Bonus: learned that Cozumel is basically Fertility Island according to Mayan worship.
+ Miami: Art Basel 2010 was in town, South Beach is hopping, hip, and very VERY rich, ate at a delicious authentic French cafe, might have gorged on some gelato, relaxed on the beach before heading home again.
+ In sum: A really wonderful vacation.

And now for the detailed travelogue… Pull up a chair, get comfy: this got long.

We left for Miami the Sunday of Thanksgiving weekend bright and early; we landed at MCO at 8:35am. Having never been to Miami before, we figured we’d tool around for the better part of the morning and head over the ship… the trouble was figuring out what to do with our luggage. We found out we could drop it off at the port starting at 10am, so we took a cab down to the port area and got ourselves some breakfast while we waited. Even though it was only 10am, Larry ordered himself a Cuban sandwich and a smoothie; I went for eggs, ham, and a Cubano coffee. While we ate breakfast, we realized we hadn’t made any plans before getting onto the boat. Hm.

Normally, Larry and I are Mr. and Mrs. Travel Agent when it comes to planning our vacations, but we had no clue what do to for the next four hours. We’re reading things like Yelp and random travel websites just to get some ideas. In my infinite wisdom, I find a rather misleading blurb for a “Sunday Village Market” featuring “craft sellers” and other neat sounding vendors. I’m thinking it’s going to be this very kitschy, hipster, trendy thing.

Oh no. It’s a bunch of really lame (less than 10) stalls in this very weird high-end strip mall in the middle of the financial district in Miami. We got there planning to spend a couple of hours checking it out, and we made the rounds in about 20 minutes. And considering it was a rather expensive cab ride to get over there, we didn’t just want to turn around and head back to the port. So we did the next best thing: we hit up the Publix and got ourselves some bottles of Coke*.

*Good thing too: I’ll get to that reason later.

We decide to head to the ship early and just chill out and explore the boat until we set sail, so it was another $20 cab ride back to the port. Getting onto the boat was easy, but just like at the airport, it was no drinks allowed, so I chugged my little bottle of Coke while I waited in line. Then it dawned on me:

What if the Norwegian is a Pepsi ship?!
 

We couldn’t check into our cabin right away so we wandered around the ship, checking out all the restaurants and lounges and nooks and crannies. As we set sail, we headed down to the pool deck for a Caribbean inspired barbecue with steel drums and plenty of fruity cocktails. We splurged and got ourselves a fruity concoction of orange juice, strawberries, and a fair amount of rum. As we set sail and watched Miami fade into the distance, we were already feeling mighty relaxed.

The next day we were at sea all day, so we got to explore the various activities on board. We watched a delicious cooking demonstration and got to meet the Executive Chef of the ship. We hung out by the pool and got a nice tan. We met another couple on the boat who we would end up running into throughout our trip. We played shuffleboard (way harder than you would think) and I loved just watching the water. The coolest part? Seeing several schools of bonito (flying fish) glide over the waves and back into the water. I wondered at what point does a school of flying fish become a flock. I was also just amazed at the changing palettes of blue as I gazed out at the sea- I never knew there could be so many subtle shades. For dinner, we went to the sushi restaurant on board where I couldn’t resist ordering bonito sashimi… it was friggin’ delish.

The next day we anchored at Grand Cayman and took one of the first tender boats to the island. The heat was almost a shock to our systems: just oppressively hot in the late morning sun. What amazed me more: the folks who headed right off the boat and pulled up a seat at the port-side bar. Really? At 10am? Larry and I aren’t big drinkers, so this was a cultural thing that was beyond us. (Sidebar: I really don’t know how recovering alcoholics can go on cruises. The amount of drinking combined with how much it’s peddled at you is almost overwhelming.) We headed out for our 4×4 Jeep tour of the island. As we hopped on the shuttle bus from the port, we became acutely aware that everyone was driving on the left. Oh right…. British colony and all. Well, it should certainly make driving our Jeeps interesting!

Larry’s inaugeral drive on the left side of the road.

Larry drove first. We were paired up with a lovely little old lady from Wisconsin named Shana. She had no interest in driving (thank G-d) but she was a total shotgun hog the entire time. Otherwise, very pleasant, sweet woman. The driving took a little getting used to: we drove on the left, but our Jeep was American and not retro-fitted for left driving, so the steering wheel was also on the left. When I got to drive later in the tour, the sensation was very disorienting. Making right turns were not only cognitively confusing, but just plain dangerous, as my muscle memory was conditioned to look pretty much left before pulling out (your last look should be to the right as you have to cross a lane of oncoming traffic. Like I said, disorienting and dangerous).

We stopped at the National Forest and overlooked a stunning view of the reef- the second largest barrier reef in the world. From the beach to the reef are depths of anywhere between six and fifteen feet. Beyond the reef, it’s a straight drop of anywhere from 2000-6000 feet! In the forest, we were told to keep our eyes peeled for wild iguana… sadly the only one I saw there was roadkill :-/

From there we headed to the Tortuga Rum Cake Factory. Remember when I mentioned that I’m glad I chugged the Coke before boarding the ship? Turns out: you either have to buy a soda plan with a special mug, or pay $2 a glass on the boat. So of course, even though Grand Cayman is probably one of the most expensive Western Caribbean islands (because everything on the island is imported), I still put down $3 for a 20 oz bottle of delicious, delicious soda. We also tasted a sample of some rather sweet rum cake (Larry swears it’s his Nan’s sherry cake recipe) and did a shot of some rum that tasted somewhere between rocket fuel, banana, and delicious. Oh and then I drove again. How’s that for responsible? We made another stop at Hell, this weird coral formation in the middle of the island that looks like… well, hell. There I saw an iguana in a tree and nearly stepped on one that then ran up a coconut tree.

It was back to the beach for a couple of hours where we finally got to go into the ocean- it was so warm and clear. We even went snorkeling and saw lots of awesome fish just neck deep out. We added another layer to our tan and felt totally relaxed and exhausted after just a couple of hours in the waves. After a 2 hour clusterfuck nightmare trying to get back on the boat when we got on the last tender boat back to the ship, Larry had a little chat with the front desk and we ended up with a free dinner and a bottle of wine at the steakhouse on board (food is free, but they have upgradable dining experiences). The filet I had was bangin’. Larry’s porterhouse was obscene. The wine- a carmenere- just perfect.

The next day we docked at Cozumel. We were up early again for our big ATV adventure in the jungle. As we got off the boat, we were surprised at how chilly it was, and saw the looming dark greyness on the horizon. As we waited in our excursion holding area at the port, we saw the darkness slowly begin to hide the landscape behind a thick grey veil. It was headed right towards us. We ran inside one of the portside shops for cover as the downpour hit. It was our first encounter with a Mexican pharmacia – where I could literally take my pick of otherwise prescription drugs in the United States. It was surreal.

The rain continued and we made our way through near ankle deep water toward the bus. The streets were flooded and yet our bus zipped along the highway at breakneck speed. We arrived and the rain subsided only long enough to watch our safety video. By this time, Larry and I were already soaked to the bone. As I picked up my helmet and said a little prayer for safety (I was pretty much terrified out of my mind to do this), the rain came down even harder. Great, I thought, just great.

The guide put me in third gear since this rattling gas heap of death was a semi-automatic ATV. Larry took the ATV in front of me and we were off – way faster of a start than I would have ever liked. There was a short rush of exhileration as I got up to about 40 miles per hour in that first flat stretch that turned to panic as we started hitting the rougher terrain. The trails were completely flooded. It was like riding through a river of chocolate milk. I’d zip along and then slow down suddenly when I’d hit dips of 2-3′ deep waters, then gun the engine to slosh through it, mud flying all around me and all over me. I stalled twice (once shouting at Larry in front of me as he just sped away) when I slowed down too much in the water.

Never, ever again.

We reached the midway point of the adventure and took a break. It had stopped raining and you could see the sun straining to break through the thick layer of clouds above. Our guide Jaime took us to the top of a hill where we stood in the middle of Mayan ruins. As my back and arms ached from the ride so far, our guide told us about the history of the island of Cozumel. The Mayans are known for being a people who practiced human sacrifice, but none were performed at Cozumel. The island was sacred to the singular Mayan goddess, Ixchel. As the Mother Goddess, Mayans honored and respected her by not defiling her island with such sacrifices. And cue the “we can never really escape our infertility” moment: she was of course, the goddess of midwifery, birth, and fertility, so ancient Mayan couples (and even present day Mexicans) traveled to the island to conceive and venerate Ixchel. Supposedly, those that conceived on the island were blessed with very large families. Between our three guides alone were 19 children! (Jesus, the man who would save me from my two stalls, was father to 11 children. Um, nuts.)

Jaime made some jokes about this excursion featuring a special massage package: “So tell me, men, have you liked your cajones massage so far? And ladies, how is your boobies massage?” It was the first time I really cracked a smile, and we were back on the ATVs. “The rest of this is much easier, less rocky,” Jaime promised.

Lies.

Yeah, he loved it.

Deeper, longer stretches of water, seriously rocky sharp turns, and the whole time I’m convinced I’m going to flip off and get crushed by this vehicle or drown, I’m not sure which first. The ATV was genuinely a bit tough to steer. Adding to the fact that I was smack in the middle of the line, I had to drive much faster than I wanted just to keep up. The sun managed to come out, as did the mosquitos and some huge, radiant butterflies. We finally made it back in one piece. Larry was grinning from ear to ear – he loved it. I was pretty much exhausted, soaked to the core, and ready to take a shower.

We went back to the ship covered in mud. I was freezing, as the wind was still going strong, so I just shivered the whole walk down the dock. After a hot shower, a clean change of clothes and a snack, we went back to the port to do a little shopping. We checked out all the various touristy shops, looked at some jewelry, cohibas, and endless bottles of tequila but only walked away with a magnet. We decided to stop by Señor Frog’s, since we’d heard so much about “that’s the place you have to go to in Mexico!”

Oh my. Oh my goodness, Señor Frog’s. We managed to spend $33 on two yards (28oz) of pure fruity alcoholic madness between Larry and me, and get three free shots of tequila as we danced in a congo line where the waiters shot the alcohol from squeeze bottles into our open mouths as we passed them. I basically experiened a lifetime’s worth of College Spring Breaks in about… 20 minutes. Yeah. 20 minutes and that much alcohol. I was wasted before we even got back onto the ship, which was only a 10 minute walk from Señor Frog’s to the gangway.

And of course, we were heading to the ship’s cinema for the lighting of the menorah on board. It was the first night of Hanukkah and I have to hand it to Norwegian – they had a rabbi on board, a hanukkiah with actual candles (and a fire extinguisher on hand), latkes and Manischewitz. We sang songs and said the blessings- from what I remember, it was lovely. About 60 people showed up, way more than I would have expected. It was nice.

I then headed back to the cabin where I pretty much passed out for two hours and slept off some of the shame that was Señor Frog’s.

The rest of the time was at sea as we made our way back to Miami. I forget the blur of nights on the ship, but we saw two magic shows: one in the theatre (he made a helicopter appear onstage. The levitation bit at the beginning was cheesy, but I admit, the helicopter was pretty cool) and one in the cinema where he did nothing but sleight of hand card work. Admittedly the latter was the better show: I basically had to pick my jaw up off the floor. (I have a thing for magic.) We also saw two improv performances of a Second City troupe (best show on the boat) and one of the ship’s performers’ “shows.” I use quotes because their show was just… a trainwreck. But whatever, it was free entertainment and we were happy to be entertained.

Before we knew it we were back in Miami, after some rather choppy waters on the way home. I never got seasick, but it did give me a headache. Best $80 of the cruise was spent on having our bags sent ahead to our plane from the boat. We breezed through Customs and had the whole day and early evening to explore Miami. We took a cab and made a beeline for South Beach.

I posted on Facebook that day that South Beach is basically a foreign country. There was a point at which Larry and I could have moved there, and so we kept looking at it through the lens of once-potential residents. We walked down the famous Lincoln Road, checking out all the shops and galleries. Art Basel 2010 was that weekend in addition to already being a pretty art-centric town to begin with. (I love the description of Art Basel from their website: “Art Basel Miami Beach is the most important art show in the United States, a cultural and social highlight for the Americas.” Translation: I’m kind of a big deal.) We discovered an artist we hadn’t heard of, Britto – he’s got a thing for adorable cats. He’s like Keith Haring on Prozac and E.

We made our way to the ever expensive and scenic Ocean Drive, passing hotel after hotel. At one point we passed a group of people, presumably family, that no joke looked straight out of National Lampoon European Vacation, when they’re all wearing the ridiculous Italian “fashions” except the people that passed us were for real. Totally had to be in town for Art Basel. G-d, I hope so anyway.

We stopped down Espanola Way into the Spanish Village Historic District and ate… French. Very authentic French at A La Folie Cafe. From there we grabbed a quite bite of pretty amazing gelato and off to the beach. The water was surprisingly cold, so we just laid out and sunbathed for a couple of hours. As sunset approached, I whipped out the menorah I had been carrying in my purse (what can I say, I’m a prepared Jew) and we lit candles for the third night of Hanukkah right there on the beach. We strolled up and down Ocean Drive people watching and ogling the many very fast, very expensive cars that lines the street. I loved walking around and hearing various techno and electronica being played from every store. We even passed a clothing store- a clothing store!- where a live DJ was actually spinning tunes in the window. The urge to dance randomly was strong. Remember what I said about Miami being a foreign country? Yeah. Totes.

We grabbed a slice of pizza, got a second helping of gelato for the day, and took a cab to the airport. It was time to go home. In all, we had a really wonderful, relaxing time. You know it was a low-key trip as we only took about 150 pictures total (Japan we took something like, 900 pics and and hour of video). Although we’re usually power-travelers who need something to do everyday and we did get a smidge cabin fevery on the last day at sea, it was nice just to have the freedom to relax. We had a lot of great “us” time.

Team Zoll has had another great vacation. Next year (and Larry’s pinky-sworn to it): Israel!!!

Check out all of our vacation photos here online.

. . .
Now, let’s get back to getting some posts up about infertility again… I’ve had a lot brewing in my head the last week. Back to regular posting now – promise 🙂