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| Photo by Jason Rogers via Flickr. |
I did it.
I just emailed one of the area clinics for a second opinion consultation from the doctor recommended to me by Dr. Ali Domar at Night of Hope.
No appointment set up yet, but I did it. I took that first step. This first step I had been dreading, but a step that is needed. The step that I sobbed about to Larry last night.
“What if they find something else? What if there’s something REALLY wrong, even worse than POF? It would be just my luck!” (It’s true – I’ve never had it easy when it comes to diagnostics; I always tend to fall on the edges of the normal spectrum when it comes to anything medically-related to my health.)
I worry that every time I open myself up to these kind of tests and consults, I run the risk of getting yet another devastating diagnosis.
Larry assures me they aren’t going to find anything.
“I know IVF is cheaper than adoption but I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do IVF. Everyone wants me to do IVF.”
Larry said it simply: “If you don’t want to do it, we don’t have to do it. We’ll do what’s right for us, not what anyone else thinks or wants.”
I’m getting this second opinion despite how terrifying this is to me. And I’m getting it because I was inspired by The Infertility Therapist, ironically enough from a post about knowing when to stop fertility treatment:
“…We should try whenever possible to anticipate what our future selves will think about our decisions, in order to minimize future regrets.”
I don’t want to regret having never gotten that second opinion, having never moved beyond Dr. G (of whom I’ve had doubts for some time now anyway), having never given myself the chance.
I’m not saying I’m ready for IVF. But I’m ready to at least make sure that the options that were given to me a year ago still hold true. I’m ready to make sure we’re making the most informed choice we can.
Totally worth it! Second opinions can make a difference. I too was diagnosed with a mildly bicornuate uterus (referring to someone else's post) and neither my gyno or RE did anything about it. As soon as we went for a second opinion the Dr. suggested getting a hysteroscopy to take care of it. I actually go for that procedure the same day you go in. Crossing my fingers for you that you have a good experience with it.
I totally get the reluctance to find out if anything else is wrong–I'm always getting additional unpleasant diagnoses. POF, endo…it's enough already! But I'm glad you're exploring your options. Btw I was just telling a friend yesterday that adoption is cheaper than IVF–actually I think ours were exactly the same price, but there's a tax credit for adoption at least. Just sayin' 🙂
Just because you have more information doesn't mean that you have to do what everyone says you ought. It means that you can take a more informed decision – and you can know if the future that, that is what you did.
I too have POF and have thought about a second opinion. You are brave. God bless you!
I am a HUGE supporter of second opinions. I saw an OB who told me that (after talking with my new RE) I may need to have my tubes removed. I was devastated, and she didn't understand why because "you can just do IVF." Thankfully, after talking with my boss (who is a Dr.) she referred me to another OB. L O N G story short…. there was no evidence indicating that my tubes needed to be removed! After 1 failed IVF, we are in the adoption process, tubes and all!!
Best of luck to you!
Good luck with your second opinion. I'm glad you found my blog entry helpful. For what it's worth, it sounds like you have made the right decision for yourself…and it really doesn't hurt to get a second opinion. Best of luck in your journey!
It is a big step to take. I hope regardless of what is found you will have peace with your future self.
Good luck girlie!
When we started on this journey, I didn't think I would be able to go as far as IVF to create a family. So I stuck it out, time and time again, for IUIs (with meds, without meds, with donor sperm, etc.). Eventually I knew that if I didn't at least look into my other options, I would regret it in 10 or 15 years time. So I too made that call for a second opinion. Guess what? I had the strength to go through an IVF cycle after all.
And you know how that turned out; after 6+ years, our miracle is 14 months old today. And we've got an appointment with the same "second opinion" folks to look at doing another cycle.
I too went in with trepidation wondering if they'd find something seriously wrong. They found more than my first doc did… and treated it. Voilà. And it was worth every moment of stress and hesitation.
stopping by from ICLW. saw your infertility video posted on someone else's blog, and it made me weep. i'm glad you're going for your second opinion. i just made my appointment to go back to my RE for the first time since my son was stillborn. it feels good to finally make that call.
It's so worth it! I swore up and down I wouldn't do it, after watching friends go through failed cycle after failed cycle (one a patient of a Dr. G in Boston). But it wasn't nearly as painful or difficult as I imagined, and now there's a baby on the way. I only wish I still had my fabulous MA health insurance so we could try again for #2.
A 2nd opinion is fine, and not a bad idea. It's a peace of mind thing. It's not a decision, it's a door you have to open and check out.
Good for you! It is best to be as informed as possible so that you can make the best possible decision for you. I wish you luck!
I've had an excellent experience at Boston IVF. My main doctor is Dr. Penzias, but here and there I've interacted with many of the doctors and found them to be wonderful and knowledgeable. I hope your appointment goes well.
Cheering you on … I'm a believer in informed decision making. You sort of have to be when you work with college students trying to figure out what classes to take and what to be when they grow up. So … good for you! I hope they don't find anything "worse" … but I also hope that the help you find new hope!
Good for you. You will feel more comfortable with whatever decision you make if you make it fully armed with knowledge.
Congratulations on taking that step. It's a big one. Making the choice is about what is best for the two of you- and it sounds like you two are on the same page. Good Luck in whatever path you choose!
I just went through this! We weren't sure we would do IVF either. I was battling with it for months. After three failed IUI's we got a second and third opinion. We settled on a different RE, and yes that includes more tests. In someways I hope they find SOMETHING that would explain the past failures, but its always scary. We have already been through so much. I was already diagnosed bicornuate uterus, PCOS, and my husband may or may not have morphology issues. After lots of prayer, we are going through with IVF. No one can tell you what right for you… that is between you, your husband, and the mighty God! Don't rush… follow your convictions! (sorry so long!) Good Luck!!!
Excellent choice. And really Keiko, IVF is difficult but not scary or impossible. If the doctor decides you can, I would consider it.
It's hard knowing what's right for you and what the world seems to be telling you to do isn't it? Great blog- just found you today and I'm so happy I did!
Laura from
http://www.theadventuresofaninfertilemyrtle.blogspot.com
Glad you have the appointment set up. I never hurts to talk to someone about options.
I'm so proud of you for making that next step! For me, I have to know that I tried everything before I could move on.
Exactly! We all have to be our own advocate for our health…whatever the reason may be. I totally believe in second even third opinions (especially if you're not 100% a believer in your doc). Here's hoping there is nothing worse behind door number two and that you can feel more at peace/confident/etc with the decisions only you and Larry can make for yourselves 🙂
Good for you. It doesn't mean you HAVE to do anything. It just means that you are exploring your options. You'll make the choice that's best for you. I know you will. You are a strong woman!