| Mother. [ˈmə-thər] Noun. Etymology: Middle English moder, from Old English mōdor; akin to Old High German muoter mother, Latin mater, Greek mētēr, Sanskrit mātṛ. Date: before 12th century
1 a : a female parent b (1) : a woman in authority; specifically : the superior of a religious community of women (2) : an old or elderly woman Merriam Webster Dictionary Online, 2010.
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This is our working definition of mother, the one we just know, the one we’ve known from birth when we looked up into that sweet loving face smiling down at us. No matter who raised us, we looked up to her: we called her Mother. For some, Mother was never a figure in our lives. She might be a memory, a photograph, or a story told to us by others. But always, always this connection to somewhere or someone: Mother.
In my video, I posed the question: what if I redefine what it means to be woman, mother, family? Even in my blog header, I proclaim that I’m redefining womanhood. I no longer define my womanhood by my fertility. While pregnancy is an experience for which I mourn and sometimes long, it is no longer a defining experience of womanhood to me. I’ve resolved to let my experiences and my history define me.
This Mother’s Day, I want to redefine motherhood. So how do we redefine motherhood? I may not be able to compete with Webster’s dictionary, but I can certainly do my best to work on a cultural shift.
Motherhood isn’t just an act of procreation. My uterus may not have borne children, but it shall bear ideas, voices, action. Motherhood is an act of love, of selfless love at that. Motherhood is an act of sacrifice: whether it’s the pain of labor and delivery to the sheer act of giving a part of our heart to another. And that’s different from the giving of our hearts to our lifelong companions. Motherhood is sacrificing that bit of ourselves, that bit of our hearts, for another. It is more than just loving affection. Motherhood is about fighting and dying for those we love, the primal lioness who protects her cubs.
And our cubs: they may be borne of us or another. They may yet be born in our hearts. They may indeed be furry friends. They may in fact, be our friends.
This week, as we approach Mother’s Day on Sunday, I want to write and explore this idea more, this idea of what it means to be a mother. I know this is a very hard time of the year for many of us. I’m hoping this week as I tease this all out more, that we find strength together, that we channel our fears and worries and dread of this holiday into something positive, into action and renewal.
How do you define Motherhood?
I just found your blog after viewing your video.
I have to say I'm so grateful to find an infertility blog where the blogger isn't newly pregnant.
Thank you.
You are such a force of nature – incredibly powerful, fertile, maternal! You might like the fertileheart.com community. I urge you to check it out.
I personally think that mother's day should be thrown out the window and replaced with "woman's day". Mother's day was created as a way to sell greeting cards back in the day. I thought it was a load of crap when I was struggling with infertility, and it's a load of crap now that I have children. When my grandmother was alive Mother's Day was all about her, it kept me from feeling sorry for myself because she was a woman who truly deserved celebrating. I'm not in her league at all…although I hope to be. Now that she is gone it's just not a holiday without her. Also, my sister totally rocks, and she will probably never be a "mother", but she is a wonderful aunt. Where's her day?
I agree that we need to redefine it. I consider myself a mother…maybe not to my own children, but I am the mother of my friends, to my furbabies, and in my heart. It's a person, a woman, who cares for others, takes them in, looks out for their welfare….Thank you once again for your amazing post.
Mother's Day is SUPER hard for me.. I don't have a mother… and I yearn to be a mom but IF has made it almost impossible… this is a great article… thank you!
I came over from offbeat mama.
Thanks so much for your post.
I find myself in a very weird place this mother's day. In the past 12 months I've been pregnant and I done a lot of stuff we associate with mothering but I have not given birth and have no child of my own.
Who am I?
A (sort of) stepmother who had a miscarriage, I feel like a get stung twice.
Motherhood, is an ability to nuture, protect and love. This could mean animals or people (children, friends, family). xoxox M
This was a great post. Motherhood isn't just giving birth to a child. I think it's the need/want to nurture and take care of something (hubby, dog, friends). I plan on faking sick from church this Sunday though, and hopefully making my hubby take me to the mall and buying me something =). I'm celebrating this year!
Thanks for this posting.
Seriously.
Thanks.
Like many other woman I dread mother's day. But mostly because I dread other people's pity. I'm always someone's "afterthought" on this day. Especially at church. Everyones running around exchanging flowers and gifts with cries of a "happy" mother's day until they notice me, get "that look" on their face and go,
"Oh yeah, ahem, happy mother's day to you too, Danya! Cuz you'll be a mother someday too! So you can celebrate too! Ummmmmm…. Oh! Here's an extra flower! You can have one too!"
Gee thanks. I've always wanted an afterthought Mother's Day flower drenched in your pity.
*Sigh*
OK enough bitter sentiments. Since I can't fake sick from church this Sunday (like I typically do every year on Mother's Day) I'm going to try and derive strength from this posting to muster up a REAL smile. Wish me luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Truthfully, they should have made NIAW this week.
My grandmother told me that a Mother, no matter if she is good or bad, is always loved by her child.
So, who loves you? You are mother to your friends. You nurture your relationships. It's a good thing you're doing here woman.
Thanks for your lovely post. I agree 100%, there are many ways we can be mothers that have nothing to do with a uterus.
My therapist told me that "mothering is a state of mind." I explored that in my "What IF."
I mother my cat, my brothers, my parents (seriously, lol), and my friends.
Keeping that phrase in mind, it really does help. I not be the definition of the term "mother" that I grew up with, but you know what? This works for me now.
It's a maternal feeling – the wanting to take care of someone. It's the desire, more than the ability.
I told my Hubs that, although I'll still be in a 2WW, that I'm trying real hard to be a mother, and therefore, I should be celebrated…