Decisions and Definitions

I’ve been rather existential this week, from contemplating motherhood to ruminating on the value and purpose of human existence. I tend to get a little introspective in the weeks leading up to my birthday. I have never been a fan of my birthday. It’s always overshadowed by Memorial Day here in the States, so trying to do any kind of getaway for my birthday is a wash. Peak season prices go into effect. Everyone is on the road. No one wants to come to parties because they’ve made plans for the holiday weekend.

This year, my birthday is on the same day of the week I was born: Tuesday, May 25. I’m excited by that, rather than the birthday itself. I like patterns and repetition.

But I digress.

In this time of redefining myself, I was drawn to an article in January’s issue of Wired magazine. There was a brilliant statement about a woman who, with a significantly increased risk of both ovarian and breast cancers, chose to have both a complete hystorectomy/oopherectomy as well as a double mastectomy. A mother of two, she endured these radically preventative measures as the result of thoroughly weighing her options. She utilized the process of a decision tree, something which the Wired article goes into more depth. The statement that stood out for me the most:

For Smieja, the decision was traumatic to navigate. But ultimately it came down to her desire to reduce her risk through all available means. That meant waiting a few months to wean her baby, then having the procedures. “I’m done with that decision,” she says. “This is what I need to do. I need to be around for my kids. I am not my ovaries. I am not my breasts.”

In a truly physical way, Smieja redefines herself. An inspiration, a pause for reflection. A moment to simply appreciate.

What does your decision tree look like in your infertility journey?