If you want to try to have your own genetic child, turn to page 6.
If you want to recruit a donor for donor eggs, turn to page 12.
If you want to adopt a child, turn to page 30.
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I’ve been mulling over how to write this entry since Friday’s doctor’s appointment, and this title seemed to be the most fitting. I won’t try to spin this post with emotion one way or the other, but rather lay everything out as it’s been laid out to us.
I’ve been diagnosed officially with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis. My Premature Ovarian Failure is likely not reversible. There is anecdotal evidence (read: less than 1%) to suggest I may conceive naturally using hormonal birth control (HBC) to suppress gonadotropin receptor antibodies long enough to jumpstart my ovary into producing its own eggs. (My FIL compared it to giving a car a jump whereas I compared it to licking a 9-volt battery). Dr. Gross is doubtful, based on my numbers, that I have any follicles left to create eggs at this point, but HBC is low-cost and least-invasive enough to warrant giving it a try. Clomid wouldn’t work- it would be like putting Rogaine on a scalp that has no hair follicles left. You can’t grow hair where there aren’t follicles; the same can be said of eggs.
Next steps:
- Thyroid dosage adjustment. Going from 88mcg to 77mcg. My current dosage/brand are quite potent and have thrown me into the hyperthyroid range blood test result-wise, but symptomatically, I’m still presenting severe hypothyroidic. This is because the Levoxyl, which is synthetic T4, is not being converted into enough free-T3 in my body. So on paper, I look like I’m hyperthyroid, when in fact, it’s the reverse. This is apparently fairly common with Hashi’s.
- Pelvic/uterine ultrasound. Scheduled for Thursday; just want to make sure that my remaining ovary looks normal, and there are no uterine abnormalities.
- Semen analysis. We need to make sure everything is a go on Larry’s end.
- Wait 6 weeks and retest thyroid levels. There is a chance I may need to top off my meds with some T3 in addition to the Levoxyl (T4). Then begin…
- Birth control treatment. Oddly enough, I would use birth control as a way to jumpstart my ovary into releasing it’s own eggs. 6 months on starting July/August, stop, and wait to see what happens. In essence, we would begin TTC early 2010, a full year and a half earlier than we had planned on, but it’s essentially our last shot to have children genetically related to me.
If step 5 fails (it’s pretty likely given that again, we’re looking at less than 1% odds to begin with,) then as Dr. Gross said: “Really, your only options for family building are the use of donor eggs or adoption.” When Larry asked as I blinked through tears: “Really, there’s really no chance?” and Dr. Gross point blank told us “No,” it hit us both like a bag of bricks to the face. I mean, we knew it- we knew that these options were highly likely, but to hear it in person and confirmed by my doctor was pretty jarring.
So, right now, we’re just trying to remain positive and hopeful for that longshot chance in January/February 2010. I have a lot of work to do to get myself in shape. It feels strangely calming to be in a place where I finally know my options solidly and have a rough gameplan in place. Yet, the prospects for the future are still daunting.
This just really… sucks. It really does. We’re both sad, relieved, tired, and overwhelmed. So there it all is, laid out like a Choose Your Own Adventure novel. If only picking a page was so simple.
Edited to add: Thanks to whoever mentioned this over at the LFCA! The support has meant so much and has really brightened my day! 🙂
Here from LFCA, and wanted to give you a hug: dealing with a Hashi's dx plus hyper TSH numbers and hypo symptoms just sucks, and when you add it to the clear cut bad news from your RE, that just makes it all the more difficult.
I hope some good news comes your way soon.
Here from LFCA. I'm so sorry to hear about all of this. I have Hashimoto's and PCOS and endo. We've had good luck getting my thyroid under control (but that's done squat for my ovulation). Just wanted to post to say if you want to talk thryoids sometime, feel free to come say hi.
Miracles do happen. I hope your longshot chance turns out to be just what you need. And if it doesn't, I remember someone saying that the baby you have from donor eggs is not the same baby that it would have been if it had gestated in a different womb. Your body and your hormones will help to shape him/her.
But that's probably cold comfort right now. Huge hugs.
Turia
What awful news to hear. I feel slapped in the face just reading it so I can't imagine how you must feel. If you need anything, please let me know. I'm always around to listen.
I'm sorry. That sucks. I hope the HBC works for you.
Awwww… now this news sucks. And sucks royally no less. Dammit. I'm so sorry to hear this.
I do know that with Hashimoto's and PCOS it's not impossible, and with POF tossed in, it must seem like insurmountable obstacles. But don't give up hope yet. It HAS happened to others and it COULD happen to you too. There are ways to work around all this, one step at a time.
Either way, I'm still here and still reading and still holding out hope for you both. Sending huge hugs your way.
(by the way, this is the same sophie from "Some lace and paper flowers" :D)
My heart goes out to you both — I am so sorry :'(. Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way!
I know pretty well how you feel, I also remember that day like it was yesterday.
I really didn´t know what I was about to face, my husband couldn´t make it to the appointment so there I was, all by myself hearing the news. I kept it together well in front of the doctor, I walked to my car and I called my husband and when he asked how was it, I lost it, I couldn´t tell him anything, I didn´t know how to start or what to say….
…It was a difficult moment!
All I can say is take your time, it won´t be easy but I am sure you will see everything from a different perspective. You are a great woman, with a great marriage and those two things are worth MUCH more than a pair of lazy ovaries!
…Don´t let IF define who you are because you deserve better!
Hi Miriam,
That's a lot of difficult news and it sucks and you don't deserve it. I am sending prayers that you will be able to use your own eggs, because I know that is your dream. Ultimately, if you use somebody else's egg, or adopt, you will love those children to bits and it won't matter whose egg or sperm or whatever was used. That being said, I know the news is very hard and feels like a slap in the face. Sending hugs.
I remember that day (trying to hold back tears in our RE’s office) so well. I also did 6 months of BCP and a round of Gonal-F to see if anything changed. I so hope you get your miracle!
Feel free to email anytime if you do want to ‘pick my brain’ on DE or anything else POF…my email address is on the right side of my blog. All the best to you!!
(((hugs)))
You’re in my thoughts.