i’ve been a bad blogger. i signed up for last month’s IComLeWe and couldn’t leave as many comments as i meant to b/c i don’t have flash on my work computer (yeah, i know i shouldn’t be doing all of this at work, but whatever.) by the time i got home, there was other stuff to do, so no comments. i’m wondering if it makes sense then, to sign up for this month’s.
i’ve been peeking into others’ blogs here and there, but i’ve just lost a lot of that initial Dx steam i had a month ago. really, i just kind of feel numb about the whole thing. but i got a great piece of advice from another community, and i wanted to post it here for posterity, b/c rationally, i’m totally on board with it. i just need to let it sink in emotionally, so i thought keeping it here might help to that end:
I can see that you feel guilty that you aren’t happy for your friend; as a caring person, it can be such an unwelcomed surprise that you don’t feel what you think you should. IF tends to sneak in and chip away at your soul without you realizing the scope of the damage. I go through cycles of emotions, but I learned early on in our journey that I cannot judge myself based on how I *think* I should feel, and just accept what I do feel. It’s not good or bad, it just is. There are times I’m discouraged and frustrated by my emotions, but that gets me nowhere, so I give them free reign and eventually they recede. The only emotion I nurture along is hope and happiness, because even though I accept my moments of negativity, I know I am most entitled to my feelings of joy. Hang in there.
you know what, i am going to sign up for this month’s ICLW. maybe it’ll get my ass in gear.
