Why Infertility Patients Should Think Like Entrepreneurs, Part 1

At BlogHer Entrepreneurs last week, I had the unique opportunity to spend 2 days with some of the most brilliant, inspiring women (and some men) making waves in the tech startup world, right smack dab in the middle of Silicon Valley. I was doubtful if BlogHer Entrepreneurs was going to be a good fit for me; I’m hardly a tech startup seeking venture capitol funding.

But as a small business owner, I learned a lot. In fact, I have a whole separate post on what I’ve learned and where I need to start making waves of my own.

And on that plane ride home from San Jose back to Boston, I realized that the infertility community could learn a lot from entrepreneurs, too. So much, in fact, I need to split this into two posts.

Invoking Yoda

The conference started off with an intimate conversation with Brad Feld, author of Venture Deals, basically the go-to guide for anyone looking to get venture backing for their company. He’s kind of a powerhouse in the VC community. In his book, he talks about Yoda’s famous quote:

“Do or do not; there is no try.” – Yoda

In the world of VCs and entrepreneurs, Feld raises the point that entrepreneurs aren’t the type of people to just try – they go out there and do. It’s a subtle shift in attitude that speaks volumes to the level of confidence that entrepreneurs need to be successful. It’s a fine line to walk between confidence and arrogance and that the best entrepreneurs know how to walk that line and make it look effortless.

So what does this have to do with infertility?

Well, let’s take a look at a phrase we use and hear all the time in this community: TTC – trying to conceive.

The reality? Either we’re conceiving or we’re not conceiving. The verb “to try” obfuscates those efforts. Sometimes we’re successful. Sometimes we’re not. Our conception efforts represent a learning curve of what does and does not work for each of us individually.

Some of us, like me, need donor eggs. Others only need a little help with a boost from Clomid. And others just need to chart their cycle to understand the rhythm of their own bodies and let nature do the rest.

We are either doing or not doing. To try implies we are not confident with what we are doing.

I challenge each of us to start thinking of our journeys in terms conceiving or not conceiving, rather than trying to conceive. Let’s own what’s working and what’s not. Let’s forge ahead with confidence, decisiveness, and momentum.

Let’s do more than try: let’s simply do whatever it takes to achieve success, whatever success looks like to you in your family-building journey.

Shift your thinking from “I tried and failed” (implying self-blame for your failure) and instead approach it from “I did this and it didn’t work” and allowing the possibility of variables beyond your control.

Move ahead in your journey with confidence, seeing roadblocks as learning opportunities to shift your strategy accordingly, instead of personal failures.

Who Are Your Angel Investors?

An angel investor in the entrepreneurial sense is someone with big pockets and a lot of faith and vision. Startups typically seek out angel investors as their first round of funding; these angel investors expect some ROI (return on investment), typically in the form of convertible debt or ownership equity. Basically angel investors are seriously flush folks who believe in your company and want a little piece of that action should you make it big. They take that gamble that you will make it big.

So I ask you: who are your angel investors in your infertility journey?

I’m not talking about dollars here. Who is investing emotionally in your journey besides you and your partner? Who cares about whether or not they have grandchildren (hint: your parents are probably your first tier of angel investors)? Who invests their emotional support into supporting you in your journey?

Your angel investors might be your parents or in-laws. They might be your siblings. They might be your close friends or even fellow infertility-journeyers in a formal support group. They might include your pastor, your rabbi, your imam or priest. They might even be your therapist or a coworker. Whoever they might be, they are emotionally invested in your family-building journey. They want it to work for you. They’re cheering for you, praying for you, and lending their shoulder when you need it.

They might not be investing financially in your journey, but emotionally, they’re giving you stacks upon stacks of support currency.

So here’s my second question… what’s their ROI?

Of course, love is unconditional. I think that sometimes we can get so wrapped up in our own journeys, struggles and heartbreaks that sometimes we forget about our angel investors. We forget that there’s a whole team of people in our lives cheering us on, whose hearts break too, who want nothing more than for us to succeed in our efforts to build our families.

And that once in a while, saying thank you is the right thing to do, even when they tell us, “You don’t need to thank me.” We do, actually. It doesn’t have to be extravagant or grandiose or even public.

Turning to any one of your angel investors in your infertility journey and simply saying “Thank you for believing in us, no matter what happens” only serves to bolster the emotional support they’re willing to give as your journey progresses.

You get the emotional support you need. They get the acknowledgment that their support matters to you.

Everybody wins.

Tomorrow, Why Infertility Patients Should Think Like Entrepreneurs, Part 2. I’ll talk about understanding your co-founder roles and get you thinking about exit strategies and that yes, both of these concepts relate perfectly to your infertility journey.